Chaos: Akatsuki style!
by HeichouLeviFREE
Summary: Experience how the Akatsuki live! Three very basic words describe it all: Chaos, chaos and chaos!
1. Crazy Easter

_**Hi! This was the first fanfiction I ever wrote... It doesn't have a storyline, just chapter after chapter of humour and chaos. I'm still trying to think of a storyline! Please review! And if you have ideas on a storyline, please suggest! Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own that tiny lion toy sitting on my table.**_

The festival for little gay bunnies jumping around dropping chocolate eggs was finally here in the

Naruto world! Easter! While families play games and eat Easter eggs... "KAKUZU! WHY DIDN'T

YOU BUY THE FUCKING EASTER EGGS?" Hidan screamed. "They were $0.50 each. If I buy one for

everyone, it'd cost $4.50 **JUST** on eggs!" Kakuzu defended himself. "If you want eggs so badly, get

your fake god to lay some!" "HEATHEN! REPENT! REPENT, YOU FUCKING HEATHEN! JASHIN-

SAMA IS NOT A CHICKEN! IF HE'S GOING TO BE POULTRY, HE WOULD BE A ROOSTER! NOT A

CHICKEN! CHICKEN ARE FEMALE!" The Jashinist yelled. "Shut UP!" Pein ordered. Needless to say,

everyone shut up. "Deidara! You're in charge of getting the eggs and hiding them! Itachi! You set up

the rules! Zetsu! Make sure no one dies in the game! Also! Konan! Will you go on a date with me!"

Pein asked in the same demanding voice. Konan pulled out a frying pan from her cloak and hit him

on the head before strutting away with her nose in the air while Pein drooled... "NOW AKATSUKI!

GO! BEFORE I ALMIGHTY PUSH YOUR ASSES!" With a few squeals of terrors and "MEEP"s, Akatsuki

disbanded.

"I'm ready, un!" Deidara announced. Itachi explained the rules and Pein announced the start

of the Akatsuki Easter Egg Hunt. Hidan flounced into the backyard and found a white egg right away

in the mass of the green plants. Holding it in one hand, he jumped up and down, waving it about,

"YOU LOSERS! I FOUND ONE-" BOOM! The 'egg' exploded "DEIDARA!" He roared and stormed

into the hideout to look for the said person. Deidara who was crashing on the couch looked at him

with wide, innocent eyes. Blinking, he said in an innocent tone, "What's wrong, un? You look as

though you went into the backyard, found an egg, jumped up and down waving it about shouting

when it suddenly exploded in your face, un. Not like that would ever happen, yeah." A few more

explosions were heard. Deidara ran into his room and locked the door, all the while laughing

maniacally. "DEIDARA! OPEN YOUR DOOR OR I'LL BREAK IT DOWN!" Kakuzu, one of his victims,

bellowed as he knocked hard on Deidara's door. Deidara snickered from inside. "Yeah right, un! You

wouldn't dare!" It was a simple theory: You not Deidara, you go Deidara room? You go Boom-boom.

And none of them were keen on going Boom-boom. By now, the other victims—Kisame, Zetsu,

Hidan and Tobi—were standing outside his room.

"Tobi, you go in." "NOO! HIDAN-SENPAI SHOULD GO IN!" "FUCK NO! YOU WANT ME TO GET KILLED YOU LOLLIPOP?" "TOBI NO CARE! ZETSU-SAN GO IN!" "Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame and I are useful to Akatsuki. **Tobi, your useless. You do it.**" "ZETSU-SAN SO MEAN!" "He has a point, though..." So Kisame, Kakuzu and Hidan(Zetsu cannot push. He is half in the ground.) pushed Tobi into Deidara's room. BOOM! Goodbye, Tobi. Tobi reappeared outside the door. "Tobi gives up..." He collapsed. "Is...he dead?" Kakuzu asked as he poked Tobi. "REAL SMART, Hidan!" Kisame said sarcastically as he whacked Hidan over the head and stormed off. "Yea! We knew we couldn't trust you! How could you push him in like that?" Kakuzu said as well before leaving. "**Hidan, your so immature!** This is all your fault!" Zetsu told him as he morphed away. "Uh... Wha-?" Hidan asked, confused.

_**Poor Hidan xD So thanks! Please review! And suggest a storyline!**_


	2. Crazy Captures

_**Hi! Thanks so much, JaimexHidan for being my first reviewer! My fanfictions haven't been very popular, so your comment really made my day! I have another fanfiction called "The Akatsuki plus three"! Please check it out! Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But I own this messed up story xD**_

"Well," said Pain the next day, "As they say, we must put our behind in the past and forgot

about that...mayhem yesterday." Deidara snickered, "Leader, un? You mean put our PAST behind us,

yeah?" Pain scowled and turned away, earning a smirk from the blonde artist. Then said artist got

Almighty Pushed out of his seat and through the bathroom door, dropping into the seat of the toilet

bowl. "Moving on!" Pain continued, "Kisame and Itachi, you will search for the Kyuubi. Tobi and

Deidara will hunt down the Sanbi and Kakuzu and Hidan will look for the Nibi. Questions?" Hidan

started, "Why do you have so many gay fucking piercings?"

Hidan joined Deidara in the toilet bowl. "Hidan, you gay freak, un! Get off me! I know I'm

irresistible, but you don't have to go so far, yeah!" "What the Jashin, Deidara? Like I would give a

Jashin's ass for you! Look at ME! I'm way hotter than you!" was the reply. "Oh yeah? I look hotter

than Zac Effron!" the blonde replied. "I'm hotter than Taylor Lautner!" So the two Akatsuki members

argued over who was hotter on the toilet bowl, with Hidan on top of Deidara which made them look

like a gay couple arguing after making out in the toilet.

"Hey Itachi!" Kisame said in a sing-song voice. Winking, the shark continued, "How about

we find our _own _toilet bowl?" Itachi 'sharingan'ed Kisame's scaly ass. After a while, Kakuzu got tired

of waiting and dragged his partner out of the toilet so that they could leave.

After cleaning himself, the Iwa Nin set off with his lollipop partner to find the Sanbi. Now,

I'm sure most of you dear readers have heard of how they captured the Sanbi. But that's just a lie

that Deidara and Tobi made up to make themselves look manly. This is what REALLY happened...

"Deidara-senpai! That's do _**that**_!" Tobi said in that energetic voice of his. "Hell yeah, un!" Deidara

promptly disappeared and reappeared with his messy hair let down, bright pink lipstick and

eyeshadow, a long flowery dress and handbag before flouncing over in front of the huge Sanbi

turtle. He did a bimbotic hairflip and waved at the Sanbi before cooing in a girly voice, "Yoohoo! The

hot turtle there! Want to get some coffee?" The Sanbi turtle wiggled its eyebrows at Deidara and

followed him/her to the shore where Tobi was waiting. Right on time, Tobi jumped out and threw a

huge net on the huge turtle. And _**THAT**_ is how they caught the Sanbi!

On the other side, Hidan and Kakuzu found Nii Yugito, the Jinchuuriki of the Two Tails.

Unfortunately, she wasn't going to come willingly. "Hidan, desperate times call for desperate

measures." Kakuzu muttered. Hidan just had this big grin on his face. Was he going to swing his

scythe at her? Hell no! He pulled out a boombox and pressed the 'play' button and Michael Jackson's

"The Way You Make me Feel" echoed everywhere. "Hey the baby with the high-heels on~" Hidan

sang as he sauntered towards Nii, shaking his hips. Nii blushed as the hot, silver-haired, good-at-

singing-somewhat sang to her. Hidan ended the song with his arm around her back. "Want to get

coffee?" Hidan asked. Nii nodded and Hidan and Kakuzu brought her to The Coffee Shop of

A.K.A The Akatsuki Hideout. Moral of the story? When catching people with monsters in them, try

the Seduction Method.

_**Ok, so this chapter isn't that good, and I kinda changed the storyline a little. But it'd be cool if the story was actually like that! :D I wasn't that keen on insulting Deidara and Hidan like that so the story ended out kinda... BLEUGH! But either way, next chapter will definitely be better! Please review!**_


	3. Crazy Games

_**Hi! I'm back! So happy that I have more reviews! Lalala! In reply to Ntgr's review: You just have a sick mind xD! It is not sick. And it's chapter 5. To all other readers who are confused: Ntgr is one of my best friends whose read this fanfic already... So...Yeah...La...Un...Smiley-face...READ AND REVIEW! Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**_

Akatsuki had just finished sealing the Sanbi and Nibi and were bored. "I KNOW! LET'S HAVE

A THREE-LEGGED RACE!" Tobi suggested. The other Akatsuki members agreed, since they had

nothing better to do. They paired up with their partners while Zetsu split himself in half and paired

with the other...half. "YAY! OKIE! THE GOAL IS THAT WALL! GOOO!" Tobi exclaimed cheerfully

and ran forward. Deidara fell backwards and slammed into the ground, being dragged on the floor

by his left leg, yelling, "To-OW-bi-OW-cut-OW-it-OW-out-OW-UN!" Tobi grinned happily. "We're

_**SUCH**_ a great team, don't you think, Deidara-senpai?" Kisame and Itachi walked casually,

perfectly in sync as Kisame combed his hair with an imaginary comb while flirting with himself in a

mirror. "I BET THEY'RE CHEATING!" Hidan accused them, pointing a finger at the shark and weasel.

"JASHIN-SAMA WILL HELP US WIN! LET'S GO!" Hidan took a step forward, and him and Kakuzu fell

face-first into the ground. Pain and Konan didn't bother participating and stood there. Ok, by "stood

there", it means "Pain-Trying-To-Flirt-With-Konan-and-Her-Bashing-Him-On-The-Head-With-A-

Frying-Pan". Eventually, Tobi and Deidara won. "THEY CHEATED! CHEATED, I SAY! JASHIN-SAMA

KNOWS IT!" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu rolled his green eyes. "_**MONEY **_KNOWS IT, YOU SHINY-HEADED

ZOMBIE!" "KAKUZU YOUR ALL FUCKED UP! MONEY KNOWS FUCKING **NOTHING**!" Kakuzu and Hidan

started beating each other up. Until eventually, Konan got tired of watching them fight and kicked

their reproductive organs with her 6-inch needle sharp stilettos before sashaying away with Pain

following her, leaving Hidan and Kakuzu writhing in pain as they rolled on the ground clutching their

swollen jewels.

"THAT WAS FUN, SENPAI!" Deidara made a face. "Depending on how you define

'fun', un..." Tobi just smiled happily behind his mask. Suddenly, he lit up(Impossible? HA THINK

AGAIN, SUCKA!). "LET'S PLAY ANOTHER GAME!" "NO(un)!" The Akatsuki yelled simultaneously. Tobi

sighed and his visible eye behind his mask seemed crest-fallen. "No one wants to play with Tobi... I

knew it... SIGH... Tobi will just go... Emo... Because Tobi has no friends... No one cares about Tobi..."

The Akatsuki looked slightly uncomfortable. "I guess... One more is okay...Un..." Deidara

stuttered. "YAY! OKAY! LET'S PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK!" Tobi cried happily, brightening up immediately.

The Akatsuki scowled, knowing they were tricked. "So." Pain said reluctantly. "This is the rules of the

game. You hide. Then someone seeks. Questions?" "CAN WE KILL ANY FUCKERS WE FIND?"

Hidan yell-asked. Pain considered this. If these guys die, I get Konan to myself. If they attack Konan,

I'll sweep in with a purple gay sword and kill them before carrying Konan off to the moon on a

special rainbow unicorn that I will randomly summon and spin her round and round before showing

her my magic wand which she will be so impressed by and fall heads-over-heels in love with me!

"Very well." He replied. The Akatsuki whooped and cheered. "So whose the seeker, un?" They

grapped Konan's frying pan and put names of the Akatsuki members in it. Tobi drew the first lot.

"Deidara-senpai is the seeker!" Deidara laughed maniacally as his hands moved to his clay

pouch. "One...Two..." Everyone fled. "Three...Four..." Looking around to make sure no one was

near, Deidara skipped to one-hundred. "READY OR NOT HERE I COME, UN!" Eventually, Deidara

found someone, but not who he was hoping for—Pain. "Ah... Leader...Un...SO...I'll..Just...Like...Blow

you up now, yeah?" Pain stared at him blankly. "Y'noe, blow up? Boom-boom? Atomic bombs? Ka-

BOOOOM!" He tried to explain, making gestures in the air, "ART, UN!" "Oh! _**THAT**_..." Pain nodded,

finally understanding.

To make a short story...shorter, Deidara ended up in the toilet bowl. Eventually... Okay,

three minutes later, he got tired of seeking and made clay sculptures in the living

room, letting the others come out when they realized that he wasn't seeking anymore.

_**This chapter was pretty random. Just random games that my friends played today when they came over. She was like, "Ready or not, here I come!" and sat on the couch and started writing her fanfiction. No, it was not me. So we just came out after a few minutes and sat down next to her to watch... Then after a few hours of awkward silence she was like, "Oh... Found you." And we fell over laughing. So, PLEASE PLEASE PPPLLLEEEAAASSSEEE go read my other fanfiction, "The Akatsuki plus three". I really hope I get more reviews on that one! Thanks! Please review!**_


	4. Crazy Birthday

_**I'M BAAAAAAAAAACK! THANKS FOR REVIEWING MY PREVIOUS CHAPTER AND THANKS TO AKATSUKIDEVIL FOR REVIEWING "The Akatsuki plus three"! GO READ IT IF YOU HAVEN'T! GO! NOW! GO! NOW! REVIEW! OR I'LL MAKE TOBI PLAY GAMES WITH YOU! YES! YOU DON'T WANT THAT DO YOU? DO YA'? WELL, DO YA? NO, YOU DON'T! xD Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Though I wished I did. But I don't. But wouldn't it be great if I did? I'll make Ton Ton the pig the most kickass ninja in the Ninja world and Orochimaru some random hobo on the street. I really hate Orochimaru. He's just so pedo-like and... I think I'll shut up now. SO READ AND REVIEW!**_

It was a calm, peaceful morning in the Akatsuki hideout. Or as calm as peaceful a group of S-

Rank Criminals who are half-shark, half-plant, multi-mouthed, immortal pervert that loves licking

blood, eyes that look like he's just wearing special contact lenses(Sharingan), lollipop-faced, overly-

pierced, paper...er...Paper-ly, tentacle-packed(HA! NOT MUSCLES! WEAKLING!) can make life.

Until somebody checked the calendar! DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! Background music

really pulls you into the story, huh! SMIRK! And what day is it? Do you wanna know? No, you don't!

Or, DO YOU? Do you wanna? Do you REALLY wanna know? Well, do ya'? Oh, maybe you want to!

But will I tell you? Will I tell you what day it is? Will I? Duh. It was... DRUMROLL...5th May! Do you

know what that is? You know it? WELL DO YA? I bet you're getting sick of all these questions!

WELL TOOO BAD! 5th May is DEIDARA'S BIRTHDAY! And knowing the Akatsuki... "IT'S

FUCKING PARTY TIME! HELL YEAH!" Three guesses on who that was and the first two don't count.

"YAY! TOBI'S READY!" a familiar childish voice yelled as Tobi appeared at the door holding party

items. "I USED THE 100 DOLLARS I FOUND IN KAKUZU-SENPAI'S PIGGY BANK!" He exclaimed

cheerfully. "IT'S A KITTY! NOT A PIGGY! PIGS ARE GAY! KITTIES ARE AWESOME! AWESOME I

SAY!" Kakuzu yelled childishly, shocking the others. "KAKUZU! KITTENS ARE A SIN TO JASHIN-

SAMA! A SIN!" Hidan shook Kakuzu violently by his shoulders. "WHY DID YOU USE MY

MONEY? WHY?" Kakuzu kicked Hidan away and dropped to his knees, yelling at the sky.

Then, he hugged his knees and started emoing. After a while, the others managed to push

Kakuzu(he's surprisingly fat) into a corner with the shining neon lights "The Emo Corner" above it,

before starting the party. It was a normal gay birthday party with Deidara's pink party hat and all.

But it got more interesting when Hidan took out some beer, wine, sake AND ALL THOSE OTHER

STUFF ON FANCY MENUS WHICH HAVE ALCOHOL! But yes, Hidan took out those things...

_**Thanks for reading. Yes, I'm aware this chapter was freakishly short. SORRY! I was kinda busy today practicing for a fencing competition so I hardly have any time to write my fanfic! Tomorrow might also be a bit short but because I'm awesome, cool, great, fantastic, fabulous, perfect, epic, superb and all those other stuff that teachers stamp on your worksheets when you do well, I'll do my best! And so you'll do your best and REVIEW! Exclamation mark Spam! xD**_


	5. Crazy Drunks

_**HELLO! Since yesterday was such a short story, I woke up at 5a.m to write this chapter so it can be longer, despite my same tight schedule today. HOW ARE YOU, EVERYONE? That was random. Anyway, it's 5:05a.m when I'm writing this and I have to start my fencing practice at 6:30a.m so I guess I still have enough time to make a decently-long chapter! Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Kishi-chan does. Kishi-chan sounds so cute! -END RANT, AND YOU START READING-**_

Akatsuki downed bottle after bottle of wine, sake and all those stuff. Even Kakuzu crawled

out of his emo corner to get some. Only Itachi didn't have any because Uchihas are just TOO COOL

to get drunk and make a fool of themselves. He doesn't know what he's missing...

MWAHAHAHAHAHA! So anyway, the others drank and drank until they got drunk! DRUNK DRUNK

DRUNK DRUNK! IT'S THE DRUNK SONG! THE HAPPY GAY DRUNK SONG! DRUNK DRUNK DRUNK

DRUNK! –CHANGE CHANNEL- Don't ask how Tobi got drunk. He...Umm... Poured it down his eyehole

and drank it like that... Eww... "BOB! IT'S TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL!" Kakuzu said in a motherly

voice as he shook Pain. Pain scowled. "I'm not Bob! I can't be Bob! I'm TIMMY! _**YOU'RE**_ Bob!" Kakuzu

slapped him, "I'm not Bob! _**I'M**_ Timmy!" "Then who am I? And don't slap me, Mother dearest!" Pain

said. "You are Bob! I am Timmy! Timmy the Mother!" Kakuzu told him as if it was so obvious. "NO!

You're JIMMY the mother! I'm Timmy!" Pain yelled. "DON'T SPEAK TO ME WITH THAT TONE,

MISTER!" Kakuzu scolded him in that motherly way, "THEN WHO'S BOB?" "Our pet cat!" Pain

stated. "NONSENSE!" Kakuzu yelled as he jumped up and down(Don't ask why. But picturing it... It's

hilarious.) and waving his arms about, "WE DON'T _**HAVE**_ A PET CAT! We have a pet gorilla! And the

gorilla's name is Boblet!" "NO! It's a cat and it's name is Bob! Short for

!" Pain argued. "NO! I

remember now!" Kakuzu stated. "We have a pet gorilla who is half-cat! And his name is BOBLET

OMELLETE!" "NOOOO! YOU REMEMBERED WRONGLY!" Pain yelled. And so it went on and on...

*moves camera to scene of Hidan and Deidara* "DIE YOU CRIMINAL THIEF! GIVE ME BACK THE

JEWELS!" Deidara yelled and kicked Hidan in his reproductive organs. Hidan rolled on the floor

before getting up and yelling back, "HERE YOU GO!" and kicked Deidara's reproductive organs.

Deidara rolled on the floor before getting up and yelling back, "THESE ARE FAKE! WHERE ARE THE

REAL ONES?" and kicked Hidan's reproductive organs. Hidan rolled on the floor before getting up

and yelling back, "THEY'RE ALL HERE!" and kicked Deidara's reproductive organs. Deidara rolled on

the floor before... Well, you get it. These two will never have children... Poor poor people... Kisame

started a fire and started chopping off his different body parts to make sushi while Konan kept

running in circles around him, throwing flower petals at him while giggling like a kindergartener.

"OH! IT HURTS SO... GOOD! OH YEAH! THESE ARE GONNA BE THE BEST SUSHI EVER! OH

YEAH! OH!" If you got any wrong thoughts from this, Yes, I'm watching you... You have a very

sick mind. If you just realised it sounds wrong when I just stated it, you are very welcome. *moves

camera to scene of Zetsu and Tobi who are boasting about their ass size* "My size is

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL!" Tobi boasted as he stroked his ass in their faces for emphasis. "GET

THAT INSULY AWAY FROM MY FACE! AN INSULT TO OUR ASS!" White Zetsu yelled. "OUR'S IS

SO BIG IT HAS NO MEASUREMENTS!" Black Zetsu added. "My ass is AT LEAST twice as large as yours!

AND LOOK AT THIS TEXTURE!" Tobi exclaimed as he patted his ass. "It's all smooth! Look at yours! All

bulky and rough!" The two sides of Zetsu gasped dramatically simultaneously, "IT'S VERY VERY

SMOOTH, MIND YOU! IT'S THE BIGGEST AND SMOOTHEST ASS IN THE WORLD! LOOK! IT SAYS HERE

IN THE GUINESS BOOK OF USELESS WORLD RECORDS!" White Zetsu cried as Black Zetsu held up a

'Barney' colouring book. "THAT'S NOT THE GUINESS BOOK OF USELESS WORLD RECORDS! IT'S

LEADER'S DAIRY!" White Zetsu slapped him while Black Zetsu... Umm... slapped the other side of

his face. "LIES! LIES, I SAY! YOU LIAR!" White Zetsu exclaimed like a heart-broken girlfriend. Yes, this

is typically how the Akatsuki are when they are drunk. Poor Itachi, though, all sober and all, sitting by

the side, witnessing the chaos.

_**YEP! HERE IT IS! FINALLY! Okay. It's 5:35 a.m now so I'm going back to sleep until 6a.m! *sets random rubber ducky alarm to 6a.m* GOOD NIGHT! *JUMPS INTO BED... Sleep talks* If you don't review... I'll make Tobi and Zetsu stick their asses in your face... I'll make Deidara and Hidan kick your parts! Manly or womanly bits! THEY SHALL KICK THEM ALL! And I'll make Pain and Kakuzu set their gorilla whose half-cat on you to maul you... So... Review...Happy Gay Penguins Day...*stops sleep-talking to give you a chance to hit the "review this chapter" button***_


	6. Crazy Hangovers

_**Hi! Sorry I took so long to update today. I was bored. And I was waiting for more reviews. But did I get any? *Tyra Banks head roll!* NOOOOOOOOOOOO! So, anyway, thanks to AkatsukiDevil for your review... And you tell me I'm random everyday. AND NTGR I'M COMING TO GET YOU FOR NOT REVIEWING! Yes, just Ntgr, because I love the rest of you. I shall carry out my threat from the previous chapter... Hehe... Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**_

Deidara groaned as he opened his eyes. His blonde head was a mess. All he remembered

was alcohol and a very pink birthday. Then saw him and Hidan lying on the floor with their legs

sprawled over each other and flipped out. "WHAT THE FUCK, UN?" he yelled, then cringed

when his loud yell was too much for his hangover to bear. Unfortunately, his yell caused Hidan to

wake up. "DEIDARA! GET OFF ME YOU FUC—" They both cringed in unison at Hidan's yell.

"Shut...Up...Un..." Deidara whispered harshly at him as he retracted his legs and stood up. The two

of them hobbled in a zombie-like fashion to the kitchen in an attempt for water. After pouring

themselves water, they tried to reason out what the hell happened. But the two loud idiots of

Akatsuki were...Umm...Loud. We all knew they were gonna continue shouting, y'noe... "What time is

it, un?" Deidara asked groggily. "I don't know. Check your watch." Hidan replied. "I don't wear a

watch, yeah." "Sucks to be you then, Blondie." "DON'T YOU F—" *CRINGE*

Unfortunately, that last outburst caused Kisame and Konan to wake. "WHAT THE HELL? WHY AM I

MISSING BODY PARTS?" Kisame yelled, ignoring his pounding head. However, Konan, Deidara

and Hidan don't have that ability. "Shut up. Or I'll give you the worst paper cut you have ever got."

Konan hissed angrily under her breath. Kisame raised his shorter arms(Guess why!) in surrender

before noticing his missing hands(Ha!). "WHAT THE GILLS?" Before Konan could paper cut him,

Kakuzu woke up. "Urgh... What the hell...?" He asked in his quiet low voice. See? Some people have

a decency to talk quietly. "My head's killing me..." He muttered as he followed Konan and Kisame to

the kitchen where Deidara and Hidan just poured themself more water. Konan and Kakuzu snatched

the glasses from them and downed it faster than they downed the sake while Kisame stuck his head

into the fish tank. Yes, they have a fish tank. Never knew? Ha! Sucka. "Good idea..." Hidan muttered

while glaring at Kakuzu and Konan before pushing Kisame away and dunking his head in the fish tank

where the random goldfish pee-ed in his face. Hidan spat out the water. "FUC—" *Another cringe as

everyone awake who is present glares at Hidan just as the last non-awake member besides Tobi and

Zetsu, Pain, stumbles into the kitchen. "I'm going to die..." he whispered hoarsely. "No, you won't,

un!" Deidara said cheerfully, realizing his hangover was gone, "The world would be too kind if that

happened, yeah. You must suffer the pain that you get in return of drinking the happiness in a bottle

known as alcohol. After all... *COOL GUY LOOK N THAT WEIRD THING OF PUTTING YOUR FINGERS TO

YOUR CHIN AND ALL THAT THINGS* The world is all about equivalent exchange, un." HA! A QUOTE

FROM EDWARD ELRIC FROM FULL METAL ALCHEMIST! If you haven't read/watched that, GO! After

you've read this chapter, of course. "What the hell? I have no idea what the fuck you're saying,

Blondie..." Hidan muttered. Deidara rolled his eyes before leaving to continue his evil deeds...

BOOM!

"My head...! THE PAIN!" Pain screamed dramatically.

"DAMN YOU BLONDIE!" Hidan screamed.

"Ouch." Kakuzu said, too cool to say anymore.

The others just cringed partly because Pain and Hidan made it worse, and partly because I

am too lazy to write out more replies. So, HA! Yes, I like that word a lot. It's like two-lettered. I love

two-lettered words. Especially Ha. It's like, you can use it for anything! Like, HA! I KILLED YOUR CAT!

Or, HA! By itself. Or "HA HA!" To make a laughing noise. Whoever invented that deserves to

receive a medal. Like, a medal which says "Person who invented the best word ever. So great that

even ParanoidDiva would use it." Ok, end rant now. Itachi entered the kitchen, the only person who

didn't face the pain of hangovers cause he's TOO COOL for that. If you can, play the song "Too Cool"

by Meaghan Martin from Camp Rock now. No, actually, don't do that. Because that's a girl singing it.

And I was about to say imagine Itachi singing that. But if you want to humour yourself, go ahead.

BUT READ FINISH FIRST! Ok, end rant. "You saw everything last night?" Konan asked quietly. Itachi

nodded. He turned to Kakuzu and Pain. "Hn." They gasped dramatically. "I DID NOT!" Pain said in a

British accent. It sounds really cool when someone says it with a British accent. You should totally

try. Ok. End rant. Again. Itachi nodded. "But you did. And..." he turned to Konan and Kisame. "Hn."

Kisame gasped. "That explains my missing body parts... Like, my hands, my toes and..." he reached

for his pants. Konan slapped him before he could. Just for fun, and partly to impress Konan, Pain

whacked him too. Then, because he had nothing better to do, Kakuzu kicked Kisame as well. And

then, because he's just that insane, Hidan punched him too. And so he wouldn't be left out and

because of something between the lines of "Hn.", Itachi hit him too. "So, what about me and the

Blondie?" Hidan demanded. "Hn." Itachi stated. Hidan shook his head in a disbelieving manner,

"THAT WAS A SIN TO JASHIN SAMA!" he stated loudly, realizing his hangover was gone as well. The

others cringed. "Everything's a sin to your fake god..." kakuzu muttered. "WHY YOU MOTHER F—"

"SHUT UP!" Pain ordered. So they shut up. And eventually, their hangovers disappeared, and they

continued their regular routine of blowing up, eye-pwning, shredding, slicing, stealing-hearts-ing,

Almighty-Pushing, paper cutting people. Until Zetsu woke up and found Tobi's ass in his face. "WHAT

THE F—!"

_**OK, so it's not that good. But either way, REVIEW, because every review you give makes me happier. No, seriously. REVIEW. Yes, I mean YOU! I'm watching you! A lot of rants, I know. Blame the scrapbooking teachers and cooking teachers who came to our school on Thursday and Friday for giving me sweets which I only remember to eat today and thus make me high on sugar and keep on doing a rant like what I'm doing now which I must...Stop...Ranting... BUT I CAN'T 'COZ I LOVE RANTING BUT I...WILL...STOP...So...Review... OR ELSE! End rant. HAPPY GAY PENGUINS DAY, YOU CHINA WOMAN! SILENCE, YOU ARE A CHINA WOMAN! ARGH! STOP RANTING!**_


	7. Crazy Beach Trip

_**Hello people! I'm at AkatsukiDevil's house with Ntgr. We are eating Insant Noodles. And suddenly. PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP! No, that was not birdshit. It is rain. But I thought it was birdshit at first too. Ok. I'm being drenched by rain. I sit on the other side of the table. The rain stops. See? Pain hates me. I BLAME IT ON KONAN FOR NOT CHERISHING HIM AND DATING HIM! And so, Pain and Konan shall suffer instead of Deidara in this chapter. Disclaimer: I do not own naruto. But I own all these rain drops. Hey, look. Pain's angry again. OK FINE! PAIN owns all these rain drops.**_

"I'M FUCKING BORED!" Guess who?

"We all are, un." Guess who? Again.

"Hn." Guess who? AGAIN.

"What do you mean 'Who cares?', un?" Person 2 shouted angrily.

"I mean,_**WHO**_. That's spelt W-H-O, _**CARES**_. Cares, according to Oxford English Dictionary,

means to feel concern or interest. Neither which I feel for you and Hidan's... Issue." Itachi replied,

saying the word 'issue' as though it was the worst possible insult he could think of.

That last sentence caused Hidan to go off in a cussing rant. -TECHNICAL PROBLEMS... TOO

MUCH CUSSING... PLEASE HOLD(Yes, I know that's for phones only)- "Let's do something then..."

Kisame muttered from his spot on the sofa where he was dying from a severe case of boredom.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Oh GENIUS! Why didn't we think of that? To be able to

think of the fact that when your bored, you should do something takes a lot of skill and natural born

talent!" Kisame being Kisame, does not understand the sacred art of sarcasm and said with a sharky

grin, "Thanks!" Kakuzu just face-palmed.

Suddenly, the quiet-since-the-first-sentence-of-chapter zealot, Hidan, jumped up and

exclaimed, "LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!" –Insert groan from all other Akatsuki members except

Kisame here- "OI OI! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?" Hidan demanded.

"Well, the last time we went to the beach, Konohagakure, Iwagakure, Mizugakure and

Kirigakure ninjas chased us there and destroyed the place trying to capture us, then a shark came

out from the water and Kisame went out school-girl-ish and started squealing and patting the

shark(Kisame: DID NOT!), then Sasuke appeared and tried to kill Itachi, which just made the

Konohagakure ninjas do their gay gasps and all that and then Sasuke killed Itachi's bunny and Itachi

went all Susanoo on everyone and kill the place screaming how he will avenge Mr. Fluffywuffykins,

un." Deidara explained.

"OK..." Hidan said slowly, "SO LET'S GO ALREADY!"

"BAD IDEA."

"HN...!"

"That was Uchihanese for never, i think, un."

"Never going back to a beach!"

Just then, Pain entered with Konan. "Akatsuki!" Pain ordered. "As we are all bored, and I have banned you from alcohol for the next century, for the immortal ones, NEVER AGAIN, how about we go to the beach?"

"GREAT IDEA."

"HN...!"

"That was Uchihanese for sure, i think, un."

"GREAT, LET'S GO!"

Hidan just looked at them with an expression like this: O.O Very cute, huh? So after the

Akatsuki got ready and all, they headed to the beach. Hidan decided to jump into the water and do

his sacrifice rituals to all the starfishes, Itachi read his book, Kisame swam(Suprise, suprise...),

Deidara refused to touch the salty sea water because his mouths hated sea water and instead fell

asleep, Konan and Pain tanned in the sun, Kakuzu roamed the beach for coins, Zetsu decided to stay

in the ground and Tobi went around collecting seashells.

And the Akatsuki being the Akatsuki... Well, yeah, nothing goes right... Kisame attracted

sharks to the shore and freaked out everyone else, Hidan accidentally stabbed a jellyfish instead of a

starfish(Please do not ask how he mixed them up) and got shocked, Kakuzu's finger was all squished

cause he thought an oyster was a coin, Tobi picked up a poisonous fish and started screaming and

waving it at people, poisoning a lot more people and Pain fell asleep with a towel over half his body

vertically so he had an uneven tone like Zetsu... So after the ninjas came and Sasuke came and

Itachi's 2nd bunny, Mrs Fluffywuffykins(Yes, Mr Fluffywuffykins was married.) got killed and he went

all Susanoo, they packed up and left. Hidan snickered when he saw Pain, "Is the Zetsu style in

fashion or something, Leader?" This time, it was Hidan in the toilet bowl. Yes, the Akatsuki members

are doomed to a life of theft, murders and toilet bowls.

**THE NEXT DAY**

"I'M FUCKING BORED!" Guess who?

"AKATSUKI! LET US HEAD TO THE BEACH!"

_**I know, it sucks. But I ran out of storyline material and had no inspiration today... -.- Plus it was kinda rushed because I have to go to fencing practice now. See ya!**_


	8. Another Crazy Game

_**MWAHAHAHAHAHA! LISTEN TO ME, ALL YOU PEOPLE! BOW DOWN AND THANK YOUR GREAT LUCK THAT YOU ARE PRIVELIGED ENOUGH TO BE READING A FANFICTION OF SOMEBODY WHO HAS LEARNT THREE SONGS TO THE CORRECT SPEED ON THE GUITAR IN 45 MINUTES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D I just learnt "How to Save A Life", "Collide" and "Akatsuki no Kuruma" and am feeling EEEEPPPPIIIIIICCCCC! And so I shall express my happiness by writing two chapters for you people tomorrow! MWAHAHAHA! YES! I will be posting them at 2p.m Singapore time and 4p.m Singapore time so if you're not in Singapore, GO FIND THE TIME DIFFERENCE! Disclaimer: I own everything. EVERYTHING I SAY! Today is Happy Gay Penguins Day Number 2! BTW, because I love you all, and I'm so happy, this chapter will be long. LONG, I SAY!**_

Deidara passed through the corridors of the Akatsuki base stealthily, his small gun in hand.

He snickered inwardly when he saw Kisame pass by the corridor ahead of him without noticing him,

back turned to Deidara. The Akatsuki was playing a game called "Assasin" where they each had a

small gun which when they blew into it, shot small paintballs out. Once you get hit, your out of the

game. Pain and Konan refused to play. Konan refused because she'd dirty her paper body, Pain

agreed so he could drool over her. Kakuzu thought it was pathetic and shot himself so he could get

out of it as soon as possible. The Uchiha, both unfortunately and fortunately, had agreed to play the

game and Deidara was adamant on shooting him WHERE . HE . STOOD . DUN DUN DUN DUN, DUN

DUN DUN DUUUN! Deidara readied his gun to shoot Kisame. Just then, a loud cry was heard from

behind him, he saw Hidan charging at him, ready to shoot. Deidara yelped and jumped out of the

way just in time for a purple blotch to be shown on the wall behind where he was. Unfortunately,

Kisame spotted him and readied his own gun with a sharky grin. "GANG-UP, UN!" Deidara yelled

as he dodged Kisame's paintball. He fired his own paintball which missed Kisame. Just then, Tobi

rounded the corner and spotted Deidara. "WHAT THE HELL, YEAH!" He yelled again as Tobi readied

his own gun. Since Tobi refused to remove his mask so he could blow into it, he got a little button

thingy he had to press. "Next thing I know, the Uchiha is gonna come, un!" Itachi came.

"GAAAAA!" Deidara hid behind Tobi just as Hidan fired a shot, thus causing Tobi to be out of the

game. "SENPAI'S SO MEAN! UNFAIR! UNFAIR! UNFAIR!" Tobi whined childishly as he jumped up

and down. "Life's unfair, un." Deidara muttered as he used Tobi as a shield to aim his gun behind.

BANG! Kisame was shot. "Why the hell was I out so quickly?" MWAHAHAHAHAHA! And it is

because I, the author, have no use for sharks in this game! "Why the hell am I hearing a gay voice

in my head?" Kisame demanded. Oh shit... HEY, MY VOICE AIN'T GAY!

So, eventually, Deidara managed to run away from that scene when he sensed a presence

behind him. He jumped to the ground just as a green blotch hit the wall. He turned and saw Zetsu

half out of the ground. Just then, Pain's voice sounded through their heads. "Come to my office

now...AND HURRY BEFORE I ALMIGHTY PUSH YOUR ASSES TO THE MOON AND BACK!" Needless

to say, they all scurried to his office, shooting each other as they went. So, once they reached the

office, besides Kakuzu, Kisame and Tobi, Zetsu was out. I'm sure it takes skill to hit a plant who can

morph into and out of the ground at super fast speed. Surprisingly, Hidan was the one who shot him.

And the only time "skill" and "Hidan" is in the same sentence, it's when there is a "has absolutely

NO" is in the middle. And it is NOT "Skill has absolutely NO Hidan." Because that is just WRONG.

WRONG, I SAY! Anyway, once they all gathered, Pain announced, "I will be leaving the hideout on a

mission with Konan. So your ASSASIN..._**GAME**_," he said 'game' as though it was the worst possible

insult he could think of, "shall be put on hold so the hideout does not get destroyed when I return."

They gasped. Well, all except Kakuzu and Itachi. Kakuzu cause he doesn't care and Itachi because

he's TOO COOL to gasp. "But—" Hidan started. "ON PAUSE." Pain interrupted, holding up his hand at

Hidan to cut him off. "BUT—"Deidara started. "ON . PAUSE ." Pain interrupted, holding up his other

hand at Deidara to cut him off. "B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BUT—" Hidan started again,

stuttering. "ON! PAUSE!" Pain said, waving the hand that was pointing at Hidan... at Hidan. "B-B-B-

B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BUT!" Deidara stuttered out. " ON PAUSE, I SAID! ON PAUSE!" Pain

interrupted again, waving the hand that was pointing at Deidara... at Deidara. "WHICH PART OF 'ON

PAUSE' DO YOU NITWITS NOT UNDERSTAND?" Deidara doubled over in laughter. "Nitwit? Did you

say NITWIT, un? HAHAHAHAHA! WHO SAYS NITWIT ANYMORE?" He laughed. He ended in the

toilet bowl. Ah, his new best friend. "AGAIN. Which part of "on pause" do you... PEOPLE not

understand?" Pain demanded, glaring at them. "The 'on pause' part..." Hidan muttered under his

breath. Unfortunately, Pain, being his kick-ass-never-lost-a-battle-before-six-bodies-all-cool-and-

strong like, heard him and he ended on the other toilet bowl in Akatsuki. YES THEY ONLY HAVE TWO

TOILET BOWLS. One for Konan, and the other for the guys. Poor guys.

"So, NO games! Understand?" Pain demanded. They nodded mutely. "Good. Put your guns

on my table and leave to do your... Whatever it is S-Rank Criminals who don't work to hold up an

organization do." So, they put their guns on the table and left. Itachi needed to talk to Pain about

something and stayed behind. Suddenly, Itachi jumped to the ground and a red paintball hit Pain in

the mouth, making it look like he wore lipstick. Pain glared at the culprit. Deidara, who had a smaller

gun in his hand, froze. "Where did you get a smaller one?" Pain demanded. Deidara narrowed his

eyes like those cowboy-bad guys and flipped his hair across his shoulder, pretending to look through

Pain. "A good assassin always has a spare... Un..." he said in a mysterious voice, adding his speech

ISSUE thingy. "UP AGAINST THE WALL!" Pain said loudly and Deidara faced the wall. Hidan entered, a

green blotch above his upper lip so it looked like mucus. "DEIDARA HIT ME WHILE THE GAME WAS

ON PAUSE!" he announced. "And he's got GOOD AIM..." Konan said as she snickered. Pain did those

security checks on Deidara. He pulled out another small gun in Deidara's right shoe. " Really?" Pain

said in a disgusted voice. "Really!" Hidan said in an angry voice. Pain pulled out two more small guns

in Deidara's left shoe. "REALLY?" Pain said with more disgust. "REALLY!" Hidan said in a disbelieving

voice. "Really, un. REALLY REALLY REALLY, UN!" Deidara snapped impatiently. After keeping

Deidara's small guns and ensuring he had no more, Pain dismissed them and said Hidan's out-ness

from the game didn't count. Deidara scoffed at that. Before being dragged out of the office by Pain

and being threatened about returning until he probably wet his pants. Yeah, it was a typical day in

the Akatsuki. Once Pain and Konan stepped one foot out of the hideout to leave, Deidara and Hidan

darted back into Pain's office to retrieve their guns and froze when they closed the door. Itachi was

standing on Pain's table, gun in hand, aimed at the two of them. "MOTHERFUC—!" BLOTCH!

BLOTCH! Itachi wins.

_**You love it, do you not? OF COURSE YOU DO I'M AWESOME! So, hope you enjoyed this chapter. This chapter was especially fun to write because it's actually a game me and my late best friend Ashley used to play. Whenever I go into her house, the first thing she does when she opens the gate for me is fire paintballs at me. It was really fun. Ah, good times... SO, please review! HAPPY GAY PENGUINS DAY NUMBER 2!**_


	9. Crazy Pets

_**Ah I'm rushing! I was playing the guitar and looked at the clock and freaked. It is 1:35p.m. And I did promise you a chapter at 2p.m. Do not get me wrong, you aliens(I like aliens. And lollipops. But not Tobi. I know, this is random), I have a good sense of time. Only the guitar is just such a perfect instrument that I get lost in it. Like, really, how is a guitar bad other than the face that I my fingers bled and the wound re-opened about six times? I love ranting. It's just so fun. Back to the fact of me having a good sense of time. Yes, do you know why? Because I am awesome. Usually school has shit stuff which forces me to come to school early. It's just school being a bitch. And I usually turn up late because there's always someone I hate that I have to meet. If not, you'll find me there on time. But then I'm always "late". Because I hate a lot of people. Aren't I a bitch? You gotta love me. Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except you. Yes, I own you. And my sandwich. It was yummy. VERY YUMMY. Jealous, eh? Okay, I should start. READ AND REVIEW!**_

Itachi rolled over on his bed and used the two pillows as mufflers to block out the loud

noise. "ART IS AN EXPLOSION, UN!" Bang! More noises from outside. "DEIDARA YOU BASTARD! YOU

JUST INTERRUPTED MY RITUAL!" Hidan yelled. "How so, yeah! I didn't touch you!" Deidara's

accused tone came from somewhere in the hideout. "Hmm... I don't know!" Hidan said with obvious

sarcasm, "Is it because you EXPLODED THE FUCKING ROOM? But NOOOOO it can't be that!"

Itachi stumbled out of the room, ready to shout at two idiots. "two idiots" did not consist of Tobi,

Kisame, Zetsu, Kakuzu, Pain or Konan. The ever so sarcasm-brain dead Kisame looked at Hidan with a

confused look. "But he DID blow your room up!" The others just sighed. Just like every other day in

the Akatsuki, ne? "Shut up. You are annoying me." Itachi stated as he entered the room. "GO JUMP

OFF A CLIFF, UCHIHA(UN)!" Hidan and Deidara yelled at the same time together. They did not end

well. No, they were not sent to the toilet bowl. Last time someone tried to copy that, Pain beat the

shit outta him and that guy is STILL stuck to the toilet bowl. Instead, he "mangekyo"ed their asses. I

will not explain how. Let your imagination run FREEEEEE! But not so sick. That's just wrong.

"I'm getting bored again." Hidan said later on in the day. "Can I blow shit up, then, un?"

Deidara asked eagerly. Itachi introduced his fist to Deidara's face. "I take that as a 'no', yeah?" Pain entered. He always seems to show up with a plan when the Akatsuki are bored. "AKATSUKI!" He demanded for attention, "To ensure you LADIES stop complaining about your boredom, we are getting you all a pet. So you can cherish them and whatever else shit..." with that, he left. "BE PREPARED NOW!" He yelled as he closed the door. The Akatsuki quickly got ready.

"This is the rules. NO killing. NO smoking. NO drugs. NO loansharking. NO robbing. NO alcohol. Those are against the law." Pain told them when they all gathered at the door. Well, SOMEONE forgot they were S-Rank Criminals! And Deidara reminded him. Pain considered this. "This is the new rules. DO kill. DO smoke. DO take drugs. DO loanshark. DO rob." The members looked at him eagerly. "But still NO ALCOHOL." They cussed under their breath. Once they reached the pet shop, he allowed them to look around. Shall we look at Hidan's scene first?

**HIDAN'S SCENE:**

Hidan walked into the store after Pain let them look around. He already knew what he 

wanted. It would be the perfect pet. He looked around but couldn't find it thus he headed to the 

shop owner. "Oi, fucker. I want a pet." He told him oh-so-politely. "Umm... Okay. What do you have 

in mind?" the shop owner assisted him. "I want..." he said in a dreamy voice, "a DINOSAUR." The 

shop owner gave him a look. "We don't have dinosaurs." He told Hidan, hoping this was a joke and 

the guy was not mentally retarded. "WADDAYA MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE DINOSAURS YOU 

BASTARD?" Hidan grabbed his scythe. SWISH! Hope that guy has life insurance. Pain tch-ed in 

disapproval. "If you can't get a dinosaur, find something else. I'm sure there's something similar to a 

dinosaur here." Pain scolded him in a motherly way. Hidan lit up and ran to a section of the pet shop 

and picked up a turtle. "IT IS PERFECT! IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A DINOSAUR!" He exclaimed happily. 

Yes, our zealot is mentally retarded. The turtle looked at him with turtle-y eyes, "Izzat an insult?" a 

raspy voice came out of the turtle's mouth. "HOLY JASHIN'S COWS!" Hidan yelped and dropped it, 

realizing the turtle spoke. "...Umm, Ouch?" the turtle said. "A TALKING TURTLE! Now it's NOTHING 

like a dinosaur!" Hidan yelled loudly, pointing an accusing finger at the turtle. "I WANT IT!" I rest my 

case. He is indeed mentally retarded.

_**DEIDARA'S SCENE:**_

Deidara entered and looked around, he was hoping on buying a clay pet. But Hidan just killed the 

shop owner. So he will make it later on. But maybe he should find another one... His eyes lit up when 

he saw the PERFFECT pet for him. It was a... SCORPION. No, he was not Sasori, but he was gonna put 

that thing through HELL. With an evil cackle, he picked up the scorpion, not even giving a second 

thought on what the hell a scorpion was doing in a pet shop. And he yelped. It stabbed him with his 

tail. Ah, how it was like his Danna... HE WAS GONNA SOAK IT IN BLEACH AND POUND IT WITH A 

MALLET! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Then he passed out because of the poison. Yes, it was a lot like 

his Danna.

_**ITACHI'S SCENE: **_

Itachi picked out a weasel. It was a cute little fella. Then he didn't want it and put it back. He headed 

to another section and picked out a guinea pig. It was a cute little fella. Then he didn't want it and 

put it back. He headed to another section and picked out a hamster. It was a cute little fella. Then he 

didn't want it and put it back. Yes, he loves and hates rodents at the same time... 

_**KISAME'S SCENE:**_

He looked at the fishes. NONE OF THEM WERE A SHARK. He shook his head in disappointment. 'If I 

can't get a shark and only a fish... I should get a fish to eat!' he thought and picked out the fattest 

fish. Which was a pufferfish. Needless to say, the pufferfish was in its... expanded mode and stabbed 

him with all the spikes.

_**KAKUZU'S SCENE: **_

Kakuzu entered the shop. Nothing interesting. Kakuzu walked out of the shop and waited.

_**TOBI'S SCENE: **_

Tobi mistook the sweet shop for the pet shop and entered the sweet shop and picked out a bright 

pink HUGE lollipop. He brought it to the counter, "What does it eat?" he asked enthusiastically. 

"Uh... What?" The saleswoman looked confused. "What does it eat? How many times do I bathe it? 

What's it lifespan? What breed is it?" "Umm... It doesn't eat, you bathe it by putting it in your 

mouth and sucking on it, it's lifespan is as long as you take to eat a huge lollipop and the breed is 

lollipop..." she said, still confused. Tobi thanked her and handed her 5 cents before skipping out of 

the shop.

_**ZETSU'S SCENE:**_

Zetsu wanted the plant in the corner of the pet shop and stole it. 

Once the Akatsuki bought their pets: Hidan was the only one with a pet and he got a talking turtle,

they returned to their base for the rest of the gay day.

_**I KNOW I KNOW IT SUCKS! IN CASE YOU FORGOT, I'M RUSHING FOR TIME! Now I have to go for fencing practice and I hate keeping my teacher waiting. And sorry for keeping you waiting 15 minutes. Won't happen again! So read and review! Next chapter is out in 2 hours time JUST FOR TODAY! BTW who else noticed I usually start my chapters with what Deidara's doing? So this chapter I did Itachi. Anyway, there will be more on the talking turtle. HAVE FUN! READ! REVIEW!**_


	10. A Crazy Day

_**Okay, so here it is. Chapter 10. The second chapter for today. I actually want to update this before 4p.m because iParty with Victorious is at 4:30p.m! Anyway, I have a question for you reviewers, just add your answer to your review: What country are you from? And if you know the time difference between Singapore and where your from, tell me how many hours slower or faster your home country is. Ntgr and AkatsukiDevil, don't answer. Anyway, I need to know so I can decide what's the best time to update so you all can read it at a convenient time. Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**_

Deidara trudged downstairs into the kitchen to get some food. It was 4p.m and no one had

bothered to make lunch since noon. Kisame had volunteered, but no one was interested in eating

YET ANOTHER seafood dish. Hidan was sitting at the kitchen table, playing with his new talking turtle

pet, Kakuzu was still arguing with Kisame since noon about seafood dishes, Tobi was trying to find

different types of food that his lollipop pet would like(Deidara concluded he really was mentally

retarded. Then again, he should have concluded that long ago.), Zetsu was tending to his plants

while Itachi was who-knows-where doing who-knows-what. Deidara sat down opposite Hidan,

watching him with boredom and listening to Kakuzu and Kisame's argument half heartedly.

"Well, why can't I make seafood?" Kisame demanded.

"Because we had that the past 8 years for every meal every day and I am SICK OF IT... Plus, your cooking sucks."Kakuzu retorted.

"Not like you cook any better!" Kisame replied angrily.

"I have never cooked." Kakuzu said.

"EXACTLY!" Kisame said as though he was making sense.

Kakuzu just rolled his eyes, "Your logic is unreasonable and... illogical." Kakuzu told him.

And Kisame suddenly learned the sacred art of witty comebacks, "Like your face! But do I say anything? _**NOOOOOO**_!"

Hidan snickered. "He got you, you old fart." "Shut up and play with your Barbie Turtle."

Kakuzu snapped. Hidan just glared at him. "What did you say you Christmas-eyed Frankestein?" the

turtle demanded. The others just stared at the turtle. "It...talks, un?" Deidara asked in a shocked

voice. "What," the turtle demanded, "you've never seen a talking turtle?" "No, never." Kakuzu said.

"That is because you're not MANLY enough." The turtle said. "He has a weird sense of logic..."

Kisame said slowly. Kakuzu rolled his eyes, "Look whose talking?" he said. Kisame looked at him

confusedly, "Me. Obviously. Who else?" Kakuzu's palm? Meet Kakuzu's face. Suddenly, the turtle

looked offended, "Did you call me a 'he'?" IT demanded. "Aren't you a guy?" Hidan asked, his turn

to be confused. "No! I'm a female!" the turtle yelled in that turtle-y voice of HERS. "DAMMIT I

HAVE A FEMALE FOR A PET!" Yes, that sounded wrong. "FEMALES ARE A SIN TO JASHIN-

SAMA!" Hidan yelled, annoyed. Unfortunately, Konan entered at that exact time and heard him.

"Excuse me?" Konan said in a pissed off voice. "You're excused..." Kakuzu muttered under his

breath. Luckily, she didn't hear him. "Females are a sin, I said." Hidan told her innocently. Konan

slapped him and walked off. The turtle snickered. "Shut up, turtle." Hidan scolded. "You're just

jealous that my non-existent penis is larger than yours." The turtle said smugly. Hidan glared and

tried to sacrifice her, unfortunately he was tackled by a hello-hug from Tobi before he could because

Tobi is that random.

_**GA! I KNOW IT SUCKS! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I'm being dragged away and the best I could do is randomly throw in some words. So, basically, this chapter is a filler... Wait no, that's wrong because there is no storyline... OK, so this chapter is a piece of fuck. Anyway, review and reply to the question in your review.**_


	11. Crazy Breakfast, Crazy Lessons

_**Hi. Sorry I updated later than usual! Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**_

Deidara entered the kitchen where Zetsu was making breakfast and joined the others at the

table. "What are we having, un?" He asked as he sat down. "Sausages. Not fish. No. But SAUSAGES.

But are we having fish? NOOO! We're having sausages. Did I want fish? Yes. Did everyone else

want fish? NO. So guess what? We're having SAUSAGES." Kisame ranted angrily from his spot. They

all just ignored him as just then, Zetsu morphed outta the ground with plates of sausages and drinks.

Tobi picked his up and skipped off to another room to eat in peace without anyone seeing his face.

The Akatsuki picked up their sausages, ready to eat, when Kisame noticed Itachi did not touch his

food. "What's wrong?" the shark man asked the weasel man. Sounds a lot like Alice in Wonderland...

The shark man asked the weasel man! Haha... Anyway, Itachi gave him a "isn't it obvious?" look

before saying, "I'm concerned about the sausages having human parts in it." The other members

heard him and put down their sausages before taking a bite. Hidan, however, shrugged and ate it

anyway just as Deidara picked up a glass of water to drink. Kisame whispered to Deidara, "I bet

Hidan's eating the penis of the man." Deidara spat out the water as he laughed. All over Kakuzu.

Kakuzu picked up his sausage and whacked Deidara on the head with it. Unfortunately, he

accidentally knocked over Deidara's glass of water and it spilt over Zetsu, who just morphed out of

the ground below him with his own plate. Zetsu then proceeded in trying to eat Kakuzu, who moved

his chair away to escape from Zetsu. Said plant man lunged at him and he ducked, thus plant man

knocked into the shark man. Hard. Shark man got angry and threw his plate at plant man, who

morphed into the ground just in time but the plate hit the zealot. The zealot then let out a whole

bunch of cuss words and threw his half-eaten sausage at Kisame, who deflected it with his big-ass

sword and the sausage landed in the face of weasel man. Weasel man who was not amused at all.

Weasel man then proceeded to flip the table over and everyone scurried away to allow him to vent

his anger at the air.

After that whole scene in the kitchen, Pain gathered them to his office and announced, "Since you scumbags have no talent other than killing, I decided to enrol you in a school. A school

called the School Of Music For All The Dumb and Stupid. And if you follow the last word and third

last word, it describes you lot, which is why you killers are going there to learn. Understood?" They

nodded mutely before heading off to lesson. Deidara was going to learn the violin(Hehe...), Hidan

was going to learn the saxophone(I am EVIL.), Itachi and Kisame were learning guitar(WOOHOO!),

Kakuzu was going to learn the piano(MWAHAHAHAHAHA!), Tobi was going to learn what the word

musical instruments meant because he only knows the words, "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" and

"SENPAI!" and a few others. Zetsu skipped class using the excuse of having to spy on everyone else

to ensure they 'behaved'.

Above was what they were going to learn. Below is what happened.

Deidara's handmouth ate the bow and half the violin before making a bow/violin bird. Hidan tried to

sacrifice his saxophone to Jashin-Sama. Yeah...Guess how that turned out? Itachi tried to follow

rebel teenagers who play guitar and smashed his guitar on the ground. Kisame broke all the guitar

strings with his shark-like..Umm... Those-things-he-calls-fingers. Kakuzu opened up the piano to try

and steal it's heart. Crazy bastard. Tobi... Well, he still didn't learn what 'musical instruments' meant.

Zetsu... He just skipped class.

Moral of the story: Akatsuki + music= FAIL.

Akatsuki + Mornings= FAIL.

Simplifying the equation: Akatsuki=FAIL. (But they're still kick-ass awesome.)

_**Decent chapter, I guess. Hope you enjoyed it! Review!**_


	12. Crazy Fixing

_**Hello! Sorry I took so long to update today too! :P I've been out since 4p.m. Anyway, I might be updating slower than usual because my back is pretty much dead. I don't know how, but this morning I woke up and there were small dots all over my back, like covering every part of my back and was bleeding like shit. Yeah, it hurt... My whole bed was like red and when I woke up I was like, "Since when did I change the colour of my bedsheets?" So, yea, my back's dead and it hurts like shit. Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I only own Naruto.**_

Pain called for a meeting and the Akatsuki gathered in the meeting room. "The Akatsuki base

is in bad condition." He announced, "Walls are breaking down, the kitchen, thanks to your chaos, is

dying, and everything else is dead so today, you are all to clean the hideout." Groans from the

Akatsuki. "How about we just call for someone to do it, un?" Deidara suggested. "NO." Kakuzu said

firmly, "We are not spending our money like that." So, they went around duct-taping stuff firmly to

the ceiling and walls. Why duct-tape? Because Kakuzu doesn't want to buy anything else as duct-

tape was buy 1 get 50 free and 1 was fifty cents. Fifty cents too much, in his point of view. And the

others had a sinking suspicion that the great deal had something to do with a kunai and an evil glare

plus a threat from Doctor Frankenstein. Deidara and Hidan worked on repairing the walls. "ALL THE

FUCKING DUCT-TAPE IS DROPPING!" Hidan said, annoyed. Deidara rolled his eyes and told him to

keep working. "NOOO! DUCT-TAPE IS A SIN TO JASHIN-SAMA!" Hidan yelled again. "Everything is

a sin to Jashin, yeah." Deidara pointed out. Hidan gasped dramatically. "DEIDARA! Do NOT use

Jashin-sama's name without the honorific of Sama and don't use his name so casually!" He scolded.

Deidara just rolled his eyes again and continued taping stuff.

Kisame walked over after a while with Itachi. "This is ridiculous." Kisame said angrily. "The

duct-tape is useless! Why don't we just buy proper equipment?" "It's too expensive." Hidan said in

a high-pitched voice, pretending(and failing) to mimic Kakuzu. "Then we'll call someone to do it!"

Kisame said. Itachi shook his head and said, "Kakuzu still thinks it's too expensive." "What if we kill

them after that, yeah?" Deidara asked. They nodded and agreed and asked Kakuzu. Kakuzu glared at

them, "OF COURSE NOT! Do you know how much it costs for one phone call?" Of course, they

were not keen on duct-taping the whole hideout. Very simple. They took the duct-tape and... they

bound Kakuzu up and gagged him. They had a lot of duct-tape, okay... So, after some random dudes

fixed the hideout, they killed them and gave them to Zetsu as food. "**They look delicious**." Zetsu

muttered. "OM NOM NOM!" So that was a gay day in Akatsuki. The next day, the Akatsuki had a

spitball fight, a food fight, a huge all-out brawl and paintball fight in the Akatsuki hideout.

Pain called for a meeting... "The Akatsuki base is in bad condition." He announced, "Walls

are breaking down, the kitchen, living room, and almost everything else, thanks to your chaos, is

dying, and everything else is dead so today, you are all to clean the hideout."

_**Short? I know. No time... Rushing off to practice fencing. At 9p.m? Are you crazy? Duh. I got into the semi-finals and I FREAKING wanna win this. Yep, because I'm just that competitive. Hoped you enjoyed it. Review!**_


	13. Crazy Cinema

_**Hello! I am in POOL. I'm at my best friends' house with Ntgr and AkatsukiDevil and another girl. Smiley-face. Instant noodles are penguins. Today is Gay Penguns Number THREE Day! Be ready as tomorrow is Gay Coconuts Day. Get ready your Coconuts to sacrifice to the Gay Lamb on Geylang street. BTW AkatsukiDevil loves BOULEVARDS! Long story. Don't ask. It is very private. If I tell you, I'll have to kill you. Disclaimer: I own everything. EVERYTHING I SAY! Even you, yes, you.**_

"I'M FUCKING BORED!" Hidan yelled as the whole bored lot of Akatsuki (even Konan was

there. Pain wasn't, though.) walked through the hideout, exploring the hideout that they have

explored at least twenty times. "What do you suppose we do? I'm NOT doing do the beach again."

Kakuzu asked. "How about we—" Deidara started. Just then, they accidentally pushed open a wall,

revealing a huge cinema behind. They smirked. Whatever Deidara was about to suggest was ripped

in two, paper-shredded, thrown out a window, fell into a pond, got eaten by fishes, shitted out by

fishes, flushed into the sewer and GONE.

They entered the cinema and sat down comfortably, finding a huge machine that gave out

popcorn. Sounds wrong? SICK-MINDED BASTARD! So, after sitting down and Itachi fiddling with the

DVD Player, he put in a random CD from the CD Rack beside it. It read "Harry Potter". They sat down

and watched it. Their eyes bulged out in shock when they saw Voldemort. They yelled stuff like

"OROCHIMARU'S GONE BALD!" or "OROCHIMARU'S A MAGIC-NERD-DUDE!"

After watching Harry Potter, they browsed through the CD Rack and found something

interesting called "Titanic". They put it in. Surprisingly, Kakuzu was a softie and was crying the whole

time. Those that were not utterly shocked by that and didn't pay attention at all to the show were

making stupid remarks on the show. For instance, when the ship sank and the two lovebirds were in

the water and the man died, Deidara commented, "What idiots, un! Why don't they just walk on the

water, yeah?" Never show Akatsuki a tragic video. They suck at responses.

After watching "Titanic", they decided on another show... THE SMURFS! "This thing is so

sexist!" Konan complained, "Only ONE Smurfette? BASTARDS! I will give all the smurfs the worse

paper cuts in the places they never knew they had!"

After Smurfs(Are you getting sick of this?), they decided to watch "Transformers". "Vehicles

that transform? That is so gay..." Kisame commented. After they finished watching all those shows,

Deidara asked, "What's the time, un?" Someone replied, "4p.m." And they settles back into silence

to watch other shows. They watched "Jurassic Park", "No Strings Attached"(They were severely

grossed out. Except Kakuzu, who cried his way through it. Yes, he even cries for that.), "Message in A

Bottle" (He cried again.) and about 6 others, of course, they all commented through it. Except

Kakuzu. I'm GETTING SICK OF WRITING "EXCEPT KAKUZU"! FUCK KAKUZU! –CALMS DOWN- "What

time is it, un?" Deidara asked again. The same person replied, "4p.m." "..." "IT WAS 4P.M 20 MOVIES

AGO, YEAH!" "That was 4p.m yesterday." "Oh...Un..." Eventually, they stepped out of the cinema

after being in there for more than 24 hours. Pain stormed over. "WHERE WERE YOU? I'VE BEEN

LOOKING FOR YOU FOR A WHOLE DAY!" He fumed. They explained about the cinema and

apologized, hanging their heads in shame... or as well as S-Rank Criminals can hang their heads. Pain

was shocked.

A FEW DAYS LATER...

Pain sat alone in the cinema, oblivious to the fact that he had been 'missing' for 5 days, watching all

sorts of movies...

_**LOL Pain's a movie junkie! So, enjoy and review! Ntgr is sitting here watching me saying, "I'm not going to review this." Well fuck you. Her reply is "Okay!" I know, crazy right? REVIEW OR YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE CINEMA OF DOOM! ... That's actually tempting. :D But Review.**_


	14. APOLOGY LETTER FROM AUTHOR

Hi guys. I know, I haven't updated in forever. I'm SUPER SUPER sorry! Please forgive me! I'm a little too busy right now. I just got through the fencing semi-finals and I'm going for finals. So, I've been practicing for 6 hours everyday and I also have to work on my Graduation party where I have to organize 4 hours worth of music, plus a skit to practice for. Oh, and a guitar exam coming up then I have to go for a piano concert. My life is super packed right now. After all this, I'm going to Desaru in Malaysia for two days. SUPER SORRY! I will update on the 5th November next. I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS! Please wait until then! I hope you understand! So sorry, guys! I really want to update more but my schedule seriously shows no time. I even wake up late for school because I sleep around 4a.m. So, sorry guys and remember to check on the 5th November!


	15. Crazy Halloween PART 1

_**Hey there! I'M BACK! I MISSED U! Except you. Yes, you. You know I mean you. xD Good news: I WON THE FENCING COMPETITION! XDDDDD Bad news: I have another fencing competition tomorrow which means the chapter will come out later. WORSE NEWS: I am going to Australia on the 12**__**th**__** November until 22**__**nd**__** December so this is VERY IMPORTANT. ALL READERS READ THIS PART: I need you guys to vote—Option 1: Wait until I return in a month's time for the next chapter. Option 2: I won't update everyday, only on certain days and I'm going to camp in a jungle for maybe a week or a few days, so in that time, you won't have any chapters. Tell me which option you prefer in your reviews. SO HA! U ARE FORCED TO REVIEW! Enjoy ^^ Oh, BTW, this chapter is dedicated to Ntgr and AkatsukiDevil for being the best friends I could possibly have :D AkatsukiDevil: I'm so nice I'm not making Deidara be the victim of this plot. Instead, Pain shall be.**_

Hidan awoke to loud explosions, loud yelling and loud... screeching which is supposed to be singing. Screaming about sacrificing bastards to Jashin, Hidan stormed outside with his scythe. Deidara was exploding stuff, Kakuzu was yelling that he was not paying for everything he blew up and apparently someone gave Pain coffee because he was standing on the table, using a spraying hose(which was turned on and water was being sprayed into his face) as a microphone to sing/screech. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" He demanded. But as usual, he was ignored because he is an insignificant piece of shit in Akatsuki. Eventually, however, Itachi told him with a simple "Hn." Hidan banged his head against the wall. How could all that happen?(Yes, they all understand the sacred art of Uchihanese.) For you UNEDUCATED LITTLE PIECES OF THINGS, this is what Itachi said, "Tobi gave Pain coffee and he drank it, so he went hyper and is now singing something about people wishing their girlfriends were as hot as him and shaking his ass around like a slut. Then Deidara blew stuff up to drown out the screeching(HA! HE KNEW IT WAS SCREECHING!) and Kakuzu got a whole attitude about it." And then something about cookies. HEY! I DON'T STUDY UCHIHANESE! *MEGA POUT* So, anyway, eventually, Konan awoke and when she was 5a.m, she stormed out with a frying pan and wearing her stilletoes which were obviously sharpened with a kunai continuously for...umm...A really long time, basically. Everything stopped. Everyone paused. Everyone who made noise within the last 9 hours of Konan's beauty sleep got their reproductive organs SMASHED. Basically, EVERYONE. Yea, it was a crazy morning. "So what's on today, un?" Deidara questioned while the Akatsuki males sat in the kitchen holding ice to their now-destroyed-manly bits. Hidan felt a small pang of pity for him. Just a small pang. He was so young and could no longer bear children. But then again, he just couldn't visualize the Deidara-daddy image. "Today is..." Kakuzu said as he reached over for the calendar. "Halloween." The Akatsuki whooped. Halloween. The day they could come into the open and say they were little kids that were acting as the Akawuki-monstwers!(Purposely spelt wrong!) And so they went to the mall to look for other Halloween costumes and if they couldn't find anything they'll just go as the Akawuki-monstwers.

_**SHORT? I KNOW! But I have another competition tomorrow so I'm kinda busy. SORRY! I'm a lot busy after my exams then before...-.- Weird, right? But read, review and remember, VOTE! Option 1 or Option 2! Thanks! **_


	16. Crazy Halloween PART 2

_**I need to apologize for not updating yesterday! I was in a party all day. And it was some adult party so... Yeah... I was TRAPPED IN PRISON! :P So... I'll make this chapter longer to make up for not updating yesterday! Please review!Ntgr: I have a surprise for you somewhere in there. Look out for the Dolphin/Weasel Lord! Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**_

"Akatsuki!" Pain announced as they stood at the front door of the mall. "You are allowed

one hour to try on and find costumes for Halloween! You are to spend your own money or steal it!

Meet back here after an hour SHARP or else, I will goug out your eyeballs, shove them up your

nostrils, break your bones ONE BY ONE, slowly and painfully, starting from your fingers and toes.

Then, I will rip every single muscle in your body, but avoiding the heart and those vital organs. After

that, I will slowly carve out your ears and force them down your throat and make you swallow it

before kicking you in the gut so many times you vomit it out and then I will take out your eyeballs

and cut them up into itsy-bitsy pieces before shoving them under your fingernails. Next, I will slowly

rip out each nail on your body, both fingernails and toenails. And lastly, I'll slowly twist your neck, so

that you will feel the agonizing pain, until it snaps and YOU DIE. Understood?" The Akatsuki nodded

meekly, too afraid to speak. "Now DISBAND!" Pain commanded and the Akatsuki ran into the mall,

taking note of the time every two seconds.

Kakuzu looked around the store. As usual, nothing attracted the attention of the stingy

sarcastic man. Everything which cost more than $0 cost too much to him. Sighing, he decided to go

to the front door to wait just to make sure he wasn't late or else...Yeah, you understand...

Hidan entered a huge store. "Hello! What can I do for you?" one of the random people

working there, Weasphin (AHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS RANDOM NAME.), asked when he saw him. "I

need a fucking Halloween costume!" Hidan demanded. Weasphin nodded and went off to find

something. He returned with a million and one outfits. "Vampire?" "No." "Angel?" "No." "Demon?"

"No." "Bunny?" "No." "Shark?" "No." "Pumpkin?" "No." "I got nothing." "STUPID BASTARD!" And

Hidan swung his scythe at Weasphin. SLASH. Weasphin died. Hidan couldn't get a costume either...

Deidara walked into some random store. His eyes landed on a Bunny suit. Hehehehe... He

crept over and picked it up. And then gawked at the price. He was NOT paying for that! He's an S-

Rank Criminal, for crying out loud! He's broke! So, he decided to steal it. And being the reckless artist

he was, he just walked out of the store with it. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! Went that random thing at

the door which beeps when you steal something, even if you didn't, and makes so much noise you

wish you could kick it into the wall or something. Then the normal life of a careless thief... You know,

the usual... Mall security chased him... He laughed maniacally and ran around the mall... They kept

chasing him... Hey, look, he brought clay... BOOM.

Tobi giggled as he watched Mall Security chase his Senpai. Suddenly, his eyes fell onto a

mirror. He bounced with happiness. He saw the PERFECT outfit in the mirror. Of course, being the

Lollipop Retard we all knew he was, he was looking at his self and did not know it. "EXCUSE ME!"

He called to a random lady in the shop. "Yes?" Asked the lady. Her name tag read "Dolsel"

(ANOTHER RANDOM NAME! :D). "How much for this?" Tobi asked excitedly, pointing to the mirror.

"Uh, you see—" "TOBI REALLY LIKES IT!" "Yeah, well, actually—" "TOBI THINKS IT MAKES TOBI LOOK

REALLY MACHO!" "Mm, yes, but look—" "Especially the Orange Mask! Tobi has never seen one like

that before! It's perfect!" "Well, you need to understand that—" "SO HOW MUCH? TOBI WILL PAY

A LOT OF MONEY FOR THAT!" An evil grin made its way onto Dolsel's face. "Actually..." she cooed.

"It costs a few hundred dollars..." "LIES!" Tobi smacked her with his lollipop mask before grabbing

the mirror and running after his Senpai. Which just gave the remaining not-blowed-up-yet Mall

Security to have more reason to chase them. "OI TOBI YOU IDIOT, UN!" "Hi Senpai! I missed you

too!"

Itachi and Kisame, with their shopping bags and outfits, followed Zetsu back to the front

door. The plant man REFUSED to participate in Halloween. Pain, Konan, Hidan and Kakuzu were

already there, waiting. As they reached the meeting place, they checked their watch. Three more

seconds... Two... One... "TOBI, RUN FASTER, YEAH!" A loud angry voice yelled as the blond fur ball

and Lollipop Retard came into sight. "Finally, they're here—" Pain started. Then he saw the Mall

Security chasing them. "RUN!" And they all started running away. "Wait." Itachi said. "If we're S-

Rank Criminals, why the hell are we running?" "Good point." Pain agreed. So, the Akatsuki turned

around and beat the Jashin shit out of the Mall Security before leisurely strolling back to the hideout.

**This chapter was very random. I always thought of Sasori as the sarcastic one in the Akatsuki but him being not in this fanfiction, I had to make Kakuzu the sarcastic one because life just isn't complete without a sarcastic ass. If you didn't notice, Dolsel and Weasphin are both names made from the two words "Dolphin" and "Weasel". It's a private joke between me and Ntgr. Because she thinks Itachi is a Dolphin Lord whereas I think Itachi is a Weasel Lord! HE IS A WEASEL LORD! A WEASEL LORD IN FAIRYLAND, I SAY! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I purposely didn't say what Pain, Konan, Itachi and Kisame got because I kinda ran out of ideas but I'll think of some by the next chapter. So, hope you enjoyed it! Review!**


	17. Crazy Halloween PART 3

_**Hi! Now, I've got some bad news. Turns out my house in Australia is being renovated and so there will be NO WI-FI! So... I'm going to try to get some internet connection...Somehow... So that I can update. For two weeks, (Or one..? Can't remember.) it'll be me, alone in the house, with my two cats, Neko and Arashi, plus a two maids in the house. So EXTREME PRIVACY! I'll find out how many days I'll be hiking, so I can update twice, or even thrice, or certain days to make up for it! BTW, In Australia, it is 5 hours faster than Singapore. So DutchyPuppy, I'll be about 16 hours faster than you. So basically, once you wake up, you probably have two chapters to read! Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. To answer some questions, yes, there will be a Part 4 for the Crazy Halloween series. ENJOY!**_

The Akatsuki was meeting at the front door. Kakuzu appeared first in his Akawuki

Monstwers outfit. Basically, his usual clothes. Tobi appeared second, carrying his mirror along. Third

was Deidara, bouncing around in his bunny suit. 30 minutes later... Still no one. "HIDAN!" Kakuzu

hollered. "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG? AREN'T YOU GOING AS YOURSELF?" Hidan's

laugh was heard from the top of the stairs. "Foolish Kakuzu. I have decided that since you fucking

losers are already gonna go as yourselves, I should do something else!" Just as Kakuzu was about to

open his mouth to question him, Itachi walked out. He was wearing a big brown suit and a huge

weasel head lay above his head. The weasel's head had a crown perched on it. (Congratulations,

DutchyPuppy for guessing what he was going as!) Deidara, Zetsu, Tobi and Kakuzu gawked.

"ARGH! MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL EYES, UN! THEY BURN!"

"WHAT IS THIS, UCHIHA? I WIILL PAY YOU TO RETURN MY MIND TO ITS PURE STATE!"

"TOBI DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS BUT TOBI THINKS IT... IT... BLEUGH! BLEUGH BLEUGH BLEUGH!"

"TOBI DON'T VOMIT ON ME! _**UCHIHA, YOU LOOK LIKE A GRANDMOTHER WEASEL GONE WRONG!"**_

Itachi shot them a look. "Hn."

"YES! YES, UN! IT **IS **THAT BAD!"

"YOU . HAVE . NO . IDEA."

"IT IS HORRIBLE, ITACHI SENPAI! LOOK! TOBI'S MIRROR BROKE!"

"UCHIHA! _**YOU'VE GONE MAD! WADDAYA MEAN 'IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD!"?"**_

After a while, Pain and Konan descended from the stairs. Pain was wearing a Konan wig,

while Konan wore a Pain wig and some fake piercings. Likewise, Pain removed his piercings and

replaced it with the blue stud that Konan had just below her bottom lip. "W-W-W-W-W-W-WOW!"

Itachi stuttered. Amazed? Yes. THE Uchiha Itachi just stuttered. You could see his eyes turning into

hearts. "Pain! You make a hotter Konan then... Konan!" Konan then proceeded in giving the Weasel

Lord the worst paper cut of his life.

Eventually, Hidan came down. More like tripped down the stairs. All he had was a white bed

sheet with two holes poked into the front for eyes. But the holes were a bit too low and showed his

two nostrils instead. Of course, this caused his insanely long nose hairs to be seen. "HIDAN-SENPAI!

You have hair growing out of your eyes!" Tobi cried, pointing a shaking finger at Hidan. The Akatsuki

backed away in fear of Nose-Hair-Eyes-Ghost.

Of course, before they could react, Kisame came in an orange fish suit. "What the Jashin is

THAT?" Hidan demanded, pointing to Kisame. "I'm NEEEMOOO~~~! Y'know, Nemo the fish in

Finding Nemo?" The Akatsuki nodded, remembering watching the movie Finding Nemo in their

secret cinema they discovered by chance one day(AHAHAHAHA! REMEMBER THAT ONE? :D).

Sighing, Pain announced, "Akatsuki! Off to Trick or Treat!"


	18. Crazy Halloween PART 4

_**Hi there! MWAHAHAHAHA! That was random. So, this is the final chapter of the Crazy Halloween Series! Enjoy! Disclaimer: I own everything.**_

The Akatsuki headed onto the street to start Trick or Treating. They went to the first house.

Then they got sweets. Then they went to the second house. Then they got sweets. Then they went

to the third house. Then they got sweets.

Just then... "Itachi..." A low, husky voice said with the ever so obvious hint of Hey-You-

Bastard-Brother-I'm-Gonna-Kill-You-For-Killing-Everyone-In-Our-Clan tone. Itachi stepped to the

front of the group to face his little brother. Sasuke wore an outfit similar to Itachi's, except it was a

dolphin with a crown. "Foolish little brother...!" Itachi snarled as his fist curled into a ball. "WHAT IS

WRONG WITH YOU?" He demanded, suddenly having an outburst. "A _**DOLPHIN**_ LORD? A DOLPHIN

LORD? SERIOUSLY? WE ALL KNOW WEASELS ARE WWWAAAAYYYY BETTER!" Sasuke glared at his

brother angrily. "I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU! YOU AND ME WILL _**NEVER **_SEE EYE TO EYE! NEVER!

DOLPHINS PWN WEASELS!" Itachi did a Tyra Banks headroll. "NU-UH YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!"

"OH YEAH I DID!" "DIE, FOOLISH LITTLE BROTHER!" Itachi stole Konan's frying pan and whacked

Sasuke on the head. Sasuke passed out and collapsed on the street.

After hauling Sasuke's unconscious body to the sidewalk, the Akatsuki continued with their

Trick or Treat parade. As they were walking, the Konoha ninjas appeared in front of them.

"Akatsuki!" Naruto gasped as he pointed to them. "Why are they all dressed up like that?" Kakuzu

rolled his eyes. "Oh it's DEFINITELY NOT because it's HALLOWEEN!" He snapped sarcastically. Kisame

looked at him with a confused look. "But it IS Halloween!" He said. They just face-palmed at his

severe lack of sarcasm knowledge. "We will kill you now!" Naruto, who was dressed as a huge

pumpkin, said loudly. Then, he started running at Itachi(Poor Weasel.). Itachi was enraged by this.

"You dare attack a Weasel LORD?" He bellowed and stuck out his leg. Naruto tripped, fell onto a

rock and got knocked unconscious. Kakashi's one visible eye widened. "Naruto!" He called out and

ran after him, which technically and running at Itachi. Itachi just got angrier. "FOOLISH MORTAL!"

And he stuck out his leg to trip Kakashi as well. Kakashi jumped over his leg. He smirked. Then he

landed. He stepped on a banana peel. He tripped and fell onto a rock and got knocked unconscious.

Sakura gasped with horror. "He's so... Powerful! I... Must try my best as well!" She ran towards

Itachi, just as the other two did. But then she tripped on her own foot before even reaching Itachi.

She tripped, and fell... And fell... And fell... Into a drain and got WASHED AWAY INTO THE DEEP DEEP

**DEEEEEEP **SEA! Everyone stared at Itachi.

"The Weasel Lord has power beyond compare..."

"AMAZING!"

"So... POWERFUL!"

"TOBI CAN FEEL HIS POWER OOZING OUT INTO OUR POWER-POLLUTED ENVIRONMENT!"

Itachi smirked with a "Hn." The Weasel Lord KICKED ASS.

_**Not as good as I hoped. Short, yes. DINNER TIME! For some reason, I always have to cut my chapters short! Oh well. I hoped you enjoyed this. This was not meant to offend any fans of Sakura, Sasuke(I am a fan!), Kakashi(Also a fan!) and Naruto. Or Itachi, if you get offended by those kinda stuff. Anyway, review!**_


	19. Crazy Internet Hunt

_**Hey all! Guess what? I HAVE INTERNET! I'm so happy! It took me 4 and a half days to get internet! Which explains why I haven't updated in a while. TT^TT Don't kill me. You won't have any more chapters to read! HA! I win! Another piece of good news: I'll only be gone for two days when I go hiking! So, tomorrow I'll update twice to make up for the first day, kay? So, this chapter is dedicated to my crazy internet search.**_

"Akatsuki!" Pain announced one day while the Akatsuki were having a food fight in the

dining room. The Akatsuki dropped their food and sat down to listen to their overly pierced Leader.

"As nowadays, S-Rank Criminals can't even walk into a bank, hold a gun and shout 'Gimme your

money!' thanks to all these CCTVs, Video cameras blah blah blah, I have just got a job." The Akatsuki

nodded mutely. "However, it is at an office." They're reactions were like this:

_Itachi—HN? *eyes widen*_

_Deidara—IMPOSSIBLE, UN!_

_Kakuzu—Such... Such INSANITY!_

_Hidan—OFFICES ARE A SIN TO JASHIN-SAMA!_

_Tobi—Tobi thinks... Tobi thinks it's just so... So... BLEUGH!_

_Kisame—DON'T DO IT LEADER! DON'T!_

_Zetsu—How could you go to an off..offi...__**OH DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT!**___

Pain rolled his eyes. "Yes, I am aware that going to an office is very unbecoming of an S-Rank

Criminal, and as your Leader, it is even worse. So, all of you are coming with me so I'm not worse

than you guys." This comment was accompanied with loud and insultive protests. This protest-raid

was accompanied with everyone who protested found in toilets.

After Pain dragged them to the office(Konan was out on a mission.), he told them to stay in

one corner of the building and STAY . STILL .

-HALF AN HOUR LATER-

The grumpy Uchiha, who was grumpy from having been dragged by his silky hair, sat near

the window and stared outside at the horizon. Kisame, who had fallen asleep, woke up and saw him

there. "Itachi, are you crying?" He asked. Itachi turned to him, confused. "No." "OK." And he went

back to sleep. "I'M SO FUCKING BORED!" Hidan yelled. Kisame sighed and opened his eyes. Itachi

glared at him, but not moving from his position. "Itachi, are you crying?" "No!" "Oh, OK." "I want

some Internet, un!" Deidara whined. "Yeah! Me too!" Hidan agreed in an angry tone. "Itachi, are you

crying?" "No, Kisame, I am not." "Oh, OK." "Let's go look for Internet!" Hidan suggested. The others

agreed, having nothing better to do. So they split up into two groups, Hidan, Kisame, Itachi and Tobi

in one group. Deidara, Kakuzu and Zetsu were in the other group.

-Group 1- 

Group 1 headed to Pain's office, where he was filing stuff that had numbers and all.

"Leader!" Hidan yelled as he swung open the door. Pain sighed in frustration. "Yes?" "WE WANT

INTERNET!" Hidan replied loudly. "I don't have internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have internet."__"WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have internet."__"WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have internet."__"WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have internet."__"WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have internet."__"WE WANT INTERNET!" "I don't have

internet." "WE WANT INTERNET!" "I DON'T HAVE ANY INTERNET NOW GET OUT BEFORE I PUSH

YOU INTO A TOILET AND FLUSH YOU!" Group 1 scurried from the room. "Itachi..." Kisame said in a

panicked tone. "What is it, Kisame?" "Are you crying?"

-Group 2-

The members of Group 2 entered a room with lotsa wires and circuits and all. "It has to be

here, un!" Deidara cried triumphantly and they started searching for the internet cable. A man in a

suit came in. "Who the heck are you, yeah?" Deidara demanded.

"I am Bob." The man replied, adjusting his tie.

"Bob?" Deidara laughed shortly.

"Bob." He nodded.

"Bob what?"

"Just Bob."

"Well that's a stupid name, un."

Bob looked offended. "A gentleman does not insult another's name!"

"Well I ain't gentle, yeah." Deidara pointed out.

"Or a man..." Kakuzu muttered.

"Hey, un!" Deidara whacked him on the arm.

"Why are you in here?" Bob asked.

"We want some freaking Internet. _**Where is it, you tasty-looking man?**_" Zetsu demanded.

"There is no Internet in this building." Bob replied. Bob died.

Group 2 left the room eventually, unsuccessful. The two groups met back in the room they were

placed in. "So, what now?" Itachi asked, sighing. "Itachi, are you crying?" "No." "I think we should

make internet." Hidan suggested. "How the shit do you make Internet?" Kisame asked, confused.

"Let's try!" Tobi suggested, so they headed to the Pantry. "Hmm... What is needed for Internet?"

Kakuzu wondered. "Oh, computers, un! Because without computers, Internet is useless, hmm." So

they put two computers into a huge mixing bowl. "And wires and cables." Zetsu said as they got

some wire and cables and dumped them into the bowl. "Oh, and we can't forget Google!" "Yes,

GOOOOOOGLE!" The Akatsuki chorused as they got a picture of the Google sign and added it into

the mixture. They put it in the stove. BOOM! Fire. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Pain demanded

as he rushed over. "We want Internet, un." Deidara told him. "All of you...!" Pain said angrily. "Clean

all this up!" He pointed to the black, messed up, screwed up, fucked up, shitted up pantry. Before

they could protest, he left. "Itachi..." Kisame said as he picked up a broom. "Yes?" "Are you crying?"

"GAAAA!"

_**Not so good. But I'm in a rush now. So, I actually got the "Are you crying?" idea from my trip in Desaru, Malaysia. We were on a school trip and were on the bus. And AkatsukiDevil was sitting on the opposite from me and staring out the window. But from the angle I was in and the light, it looked like she was crying. So I kept going "Are you crying?" and after a while, I just continued cause it was so funny to watch her reactions xD! Anyway, review!**_


	20. Crazy Dream

_**I'm running out of ideas! . I just randomly thought of this chapter so PHEW! OK thanks CelebFan29 and DutchyPuppy for reviewing my previous chapter! So, enjoy!**_

"I swo bwoed, um...(I'm so bored, un...)" Deidara muttered, his face being all smushed

against the table he was sprawled on so his words came out muffled. "We all are." Itachi told him.

"Itachi!" Kisame yelled, obviously panicked as he rushed down the stairs, panting heavily. "What?

Did something happen?" Itachi asked, reaching for his kunai. Kisame took him by the shoulders and

shook him violently. "ARE YOU CRYING?" "NO!" "Now, now, Itachi, don't deny it!" "I SAID I'M

NO—" "HUSH HUSH, Crying Weasel! Now come, tell Shark Mama what's wrong!" "KISAM—" "Don't

shout, Weasel Dearest. Don't cry. Come on, deep breaths!" "I'M NOT CRYING DAMMIT!" "ITACHI!

STOP CRYING!" "I'M NOT—" "STOP LYING TO YOURSELF! HORRIBLE BOY!" Kisame slapped Itachi

before storming off. Deidara laughed at the Weasel's red face. "I nowt bwoed anywore!" His muffled

voice said. "Can't you pronounce anything right?" Itachi asked him, ignoring his comment. "Wure I

can, but wis tabwe is muffwing my voice and I'm shoo lazy to move, un." Itachi rolled his eyes at the

blonde and headed to his room to take a nap.

Lying down on his bed, Itachi closed his eyes...

BOOM! A loud explosion filled the hallways. Sighing, Itachi got up and walked outside to

yell at the Blonde Bomber. And came face to face with Sasori. With long red hair tied up in a similar

hairstyle to Deidara's. "S-Sasori?" Itachi stuttered, shocked to see the dead member alive. "What,

un?" Sasori asked. "Did you just say... 'Un'?" Itachi asked, blinking. "Well of course, yeah." Sasori

said like it was something he said all the time. "BRAAAAT!" Deidara's voice resounded through the

base. "Coming, Danna, un! Oh, Itachi, what's with those clothes, yeah?" Sasori asked before running

up the stairs to answer Deidrara's call. "What the hell is going on? And what's wrong with my

clothes?" Itachi asked himself. He was wearing his normal clothes, he noted, as he headed to the

kitchen to ask the others what was going on.

He didn't see what he expected to see. Kisame was taped to the back of Samehada just as

how Samehada was usually taped to the back of Kisame. Pain was folding origami while chatting

away about boys and shopping, Hidan was counting money while Kakuzu went around trying to

sacrifice them all to Jashin. "Is this a prank?" Itachi asked slowly, bewildered. "What are you talking

about?" Pain asked, confused. "Oh, so anyway, I was walking and walking, when I saw this HOT guy

with black hair kinda shaped like a duckbutt. And he was jumping around in a green spandex. He was

SOOOOO cute! Oh, and Itachi, what's up with your change of clothes? " Pain continued, chatting

away. Duckbutt...? Sasuke? But why was he in a green spandex? And what was everyone talking

about, change of clothes? Was Itachi even on Earth anymore? Tobi stormed in and sat down on the

chair, obviously pissed. "Tobi?" Itachi asked, wondering what was wrong with him. "What the hell

do you want, bastard? And what the hell is up with your different clothes? Trying to look cool,

huh?" Tobi snapped at Itachi. Taken aback, Itachi left the room quickly and headed up the stairs to

find someone who was normal. He heard Sasori's laugh which he had never heard before coming

from Deidara's room. Cracking the door open a bit, he saw Sasori lying on his bed before he died

(which he had never used), laughing, while Deidara with SHORT SPIKY blonde hair sat at the table,

glaring at Sasori. "Brat, shut it." Deidara commanded. "Sorry Danna! But that's

too...AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!UN!" Sasori laughed hysterically. Itachi's eyes

widened till they almost popped outta their sockets. He quickly backed away, and fell through

another door, into Pain's office. "Itachi! What are you doing here?" Konan, with piercings that were

identical to Pain's, sat at Pain's desk, glaring down at Itachi with... Rinnegan eyes? "Konan?" Itachi

half-yelled. "That's Leader to you!" Konan snapped. "If you have nothing to say, LEAVE! I have stuff

to do, y'noe! And what's with those clothes?" Itachi quickly scurried away and bumped into

someone. He fell on the ground. Wincing, he stood up, prepared to yell at the other person. But fell

over again, completely shocked at what he saw. He saw HIMSELF, with his hair down, in a frilly blue

dress and petticoat, holding a broom. "W-W-W-W-W-W-W-WHAT THE SHIT?" He demanded,

finally losing his cool. "M-Me?" Asked the Other Him. Itachi concluded. He wasn't his own world

anymore! He was in some kind of Parallel Universe! "What are you doing, me?" Itachi hissed. "What

are you talking about? I'm the Maid here!" Other Itachi told him. Itachi fainted. When he opened his

eyes, he was still on the floor and the Other Akatsuki were crowded around him, each with a red

glint in their eyes, holding a chainsaw. "Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!" They chanted as they lowered the

chainsaw closer and closer to him. Itachi screamed a girly scream before fainting again.

When he opened his eyes, he saw the Akatsuki surrounded him on his bed, but not the

Other Akatsuki. "Itachi, are you okay? You were screaming." Kisame asked. "Oh... Are you crying?"

He added. Itachi practically jumped up his bed and tugged on Deidara's hair. "IT'S LONG! IT'S

LONG!" then he picked up Samehada and spun around with it. "It's on your back! KISAME'S back!

Not the other way round!" He poked Tobi who was screaming "Tobi is a good boy!" "YOU! TOBI!

YOU'RE NOT EMO! YES! YES! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY, TOBI!" He shook Pain violently. "YOU'RE NOT

CHATTING ABOUT SASUKE IN LEE/GAI'S CLOTHES! WOOHOO! I'M ALIVE AGAIN!" "A-A-Are you

ok, un?" Deidara asked, completely bewildered. "Are you high?" Pain asked. "Are you sick?" Konan

asked. "Are you crying?" Kisame added cheerfully. Itachi whooped happily before running out of

the hideout, screaming, "I'M BACK IN MY WORLD!" Deidara shrugged before heading back to his

room. He was tired and was going to go for a nap.

Lying on his bed, Deidara closed his eyes...

_**Finally! A chapter I am satisfied with! ^^ I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this! I was thinking of making a chapter dedicated to Itachi so... TA-DA! Okay, I realize it's more insulting him then honouring him, but hey! It's a chapter ON him! So review!**_


	21. Crazy Twister

_**OK, I have no idea what to write today... Hey, look my cousins are playing Twister... HEHEHEHE... *evil grin* Disclaimer: I own EVERYTHING!**_

"HIDAN! Your man boobs... Are... Suffocating me, un!" "YOUR STUPID HAIR IS TICKLING

MY ASS, FUCKING BLONDIE!" Itachi spun the thingamajig again. "Deidara, right hand blue." Deidara

moved his right hand to blue, and the handmouth made a "BLEEEEUAAAGGGHHH!" noise and then

ate the Twister sheet-thing, and made a plastic, multi-coloured bird! ^^! "DEIDARA YOU IDIOT!

THAT COST MONEY!" Kakuzu yelled at him. Hidan, now without the support of the Twister sheet,

fell onto the ground and damaged his butt bone. "THAT'S THE FUCKING 8TH TWISTER GAME IT

ATE!" Hidan yelled angrily. "Fine, un! I won't play, un!" "Then who will?" "TOBI WANTS TO PLAY!"

"Not happening." The other Akatsuki members said at once. "Itachi, are you crying?" Itachi threw his

shoe at the shark man. Said shark man caught it. "HAHA! YOU MISSE—" He was then hit in the face

by Itachi's other shoe, thus being unconscious. "I shall play." The Weasel said in his monotone voice

of wonders. The others stared at him, not expecting the stoic Uchiha to volunteer. "OK then... LET'S

START THIS FUCKING GAME!" Kakuzu sat down next to the spinning thingamajig. "Itachi, right hand

yellow." Itachi put his right hand at the one of the yellow spots on the mat. "Hidan, right hand

yellow." Hidan put his right hand at the same yellow spot as Itachi. Itachi knocked his hand away.

"My territory." Hidan knocked Itachi's hand away. "MY fucking territory!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine."

"MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!"

"Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "Mine."

"MINE!" "Mine." "MINE!" "You dare trespass on a Weasel Lord's territory...? AMATERATSU!" And

Itachi 'amateratsu'ed Hidan. Hidan ran from place to place, getting out of the Weasel's line of sight.

"What's going on here?" Pain demanded as he entered the room. The Akatsuki members turned to

look at him. Including Itachi. Black flames raged on the top of Pain's head. "AAAHHHH! THE

FLAMES!" and he rolled on the ground screaming in pain. "Leader!" Tobi cried and ran forward to

help him. And got burnt by the Black flames as well. "AAAHHHH! THE FLAMES!" and Tobi rolled

on the ground next to Pain screaming in pain. "What the shit are you doing, Uchiha, un?" Deidara

demanded. Itachi, being polite and having his mother use to tell him to 'look at people when they're

speaking to you!', turned to look at Deidara. "AAAAHHHH! THE FLAMES!" and Deidara rolled on

the ground next to Pain and Tobi screaming in pain. One by one, the other Akatsuki members joined

them rolling on the floor. "Umm..." Itachi said, unsure of what to do about the 8 people in front of

him(Zetsu, Konan and Kisame also became Victims of the Weasel Lord of Black DOOOOOOOOM!)

So, he did that Reverse Amateratsu thingy and they were cured. Of course, they were all burnt and

all. But no one dared blame Itachi in fear that the Amateratsu Scene would start again. And they just

followed their favourite motto: When in doubt, blame Hidan. "HIDAN YOU IDIOT, UN!""Wha—?"

"I'm going to need to pay money for new clothes and stuff! It's all your fault, Hidan!" "Me—?"

"Don't try and run away! My sharks will kill you for this, Hidan!" "But I—!" "Stop lying! Geez!

BOYS! This is all your fault, Hidan!" "Hey! Konan, I—!" "TOBI IS VERY ASHAMED OF YOU, HIDAN

SENPAI!" "OI YOU FUC—!" "HIDAN! _**I'LL EAT YOU!" **_"Look! It wasn't me—!" "HIDAN YOU IDIOT!

ALMIGHTY PUSH!" and Hidan got exploded, tentacle-raped(Kakuzu's gay? O.O), shark-bitten,

paper-cutted, lollipop-head-bashed, plant-bitten and almighty pushed into the toilet bowl of

wonders. Moral of the story: Twister is more dangerous than you could ever imagine. PLAY AT YOUR

OWN RISK!

_**OK, weird chapter, but hey, that's what you get for reading a story with no storyline. Wait, then it's not a story, is it... Either way, it's a THING. So anyway, hope you enjoyed it! I actually got the "Blame Hidan" part from my favourite motto "When in doubt, blame Yuu!" Yuu A.K.A AkatsukiDevil. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YUU-CHAN! So, review! ^^**_


	22. Crazy PRECooking

_**How's life? Been racking my brains all day for a topic for today. I have a massive headache now(Probably from watching anime for 18 hours straight.. :P Don't kill me! It was addictive!). I was lying on bed yesterday at 5am and I was like, "Oh, it's still early. Might as well watch anime while waiting for 8am or 9am to come..." *picks up laptop, watches anime* -AFTER SOME TIME- *looks at watch* Oh, it's 5... Wait, it was 5 just now! OH IT'S 5P.M... Oh nvm. *continues watching* -after another 4 hours- AHHHH! HEADACHE! . So, you see my obsessive issues? But heck care! OK, enough of my ranting. Enjoy! Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**_

The Akatsuki sat around the kitchen, Pain was joining them because Konan and Zetsu left for

a mission and they had absolutely nothing to cook. And they were STARVING. "How about pasta,

yeah?" "Do you know how to cook it?" "Umm... Take some yellow rope and burn it, un?" They

whacked Deidara on the head simultaneously. "TOBI HAS FOUND SOMETHING!" Tobi ran into the

kitchen, waving a recipe book about. "TOBI FOUND OUT HOW TO COOK A DISH CALLED... Umm...

Weasel Stew." The first comment came from the stoic Uchiha: No. "HOW ABOUT... UMM... WEASEL

SALAD?" "No." "WEASEL FONDUE!" "No." "WEASEL SANDWICH!" "No." "WEASEL PASTA!" "No."

"WEASEL NOODLES!" "No." "WEASEL SOUP!" "No." "WEASEL PUMPKIN!" "No." "WEASEL ICE-

CREAM!" "No." "WEASEL—" "NO!" "Hmm... Tobi would like some Weasel—" "NO! Why is

everything Weasel Something?" Tobi held up the recipe book. The title read: One Million Ways to

Cook Weasels.

"Find another book." Itachi told him. Tobi nodded before running off again. After a while, he

returned with another recipe book. "SHARK SALAD!" "No!" Kisame protested. "SHARK'S FIN

SOUP!" "NO!" "SHARK SANDWICH!" "NO!" "SHARK PASTA!" "NO!" "SHARK NOODLES!" "NO!"

"SHARK STEW!" "NO!" "SHARK FONDUE!" "NO!" "SHARK PUMPKIN!" "NO!" "SHARK ICE-CREAM!"

"NO!" "SHARK—" "NO! NO! NO! NO! What sort of book is that?" Tobi held up the recipe book. The

title read: One Million Ways to Cook Sharks.

"Find another book!" Kisame yelled. "OK! DON'T SCOLD TOBI! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

And with that, Tobi ran off.

"Let's eat scorpions, un!" Deidara suggested cheerfully. Kisame sighed

dramatically. "Deidara, Deidara..." "What, un?" The other Akatsuki members sighed and shook their

heads sadly as well. "What, un? What did I say, yeah?" Tobi entered, without any book.

"TELL TOBI WHAT'S GOING ON! Oh, there are no more recipe books. " Kisame said solemnly,

"Deidara says we should eat scorpion." Tobishook his head sadly and sighed dramatically. "We

always knew you had a THING for Sasori, Senpai... SIGH. Senpai, Senpai... Tobi is ashamed of having a

naughty senpai like you..." "I'M NOT GAY, UN!" "No need to deny it, Deidara... Your secret is out."

"WHAT SECRET?" "So what if you and Sasori did one or two things together..." "WHAT THE HELL

ARE YOU SAYING, YEAH?" "No need to hide it from your friends, Deidara..." "HIDE WHAT? AND

WE'RE NOT FRIENDS, UN!" "Rebellious boy. You don't have to put up a tough act..." "I'M . NOT . GAY

. UN!" "So... What are we making? It's either Weasel or Shark." "Weasel." Kisame said firmly. At

the same time, Itachi said "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." ... This went on and on... "We're back!" Konan announced as her and Zetsu entered the

hideout after a week. The kitchen consister of men as skinny as rope, sprawled on the floor, chairs

and tables. Two men argued in strangled voices: "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark." "Weasel." "Shark."

"Weasel."


	23. Crazy Fangirl Attack

_**Hello! I'm going off later till about 10p.m, so I'm updating earlier! How's life? This chapter is dedicated to DutchyPuppy for being a reader/reviewer since Chapter 1! I LOVE YOU DUTCHYPUPPY! :D It makes my day to see you guys review ^^ So, this chapter is based on DutchyPuppy's chapter idea! Enjoy! Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**_

The Akatsuki were lounging around in the living room. Pain, Konan and Zetsu were in Pain's

office, doing leader-y stuff. Suddenly, they felt the ground shake. "Is it an earthquake, un?" Deidara

asked, jumping up from his lying-position on the couch. Pain, Konan and Zetsu came down the stairs

hurriedly. "What's going on?" Pain demanded. Just then, the door of the Akatsuki base flung open

and a mob of fangirls charged in, waving flags of various Akatsuki members. "WHAT THE FU—?"

Unnfortunately, our dear zealish zealotty zealot never got to finish his cuss sentence due to another

shout drowning him out. Itachi was being swarmed with fangirls! :D "GAaAAAAaaaaaaa...!

Save... Me...!" Itachi's voice drowned as he was sunk by fangirls. "Itachi!" "He's gone!" "We'll

always remember you, buddy!" "ARE YOU CRYING, ITACHI?" "Itachi's dead!" "Sasuke will be

angry..." "I'M NOT PAYING FOR HIS FUNERAL!" "Is he dead, un? Can I have his room, yeah?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKING WEAK BASTAR—GAAAAA!"

All heads turned to see a last strand of silver hair fade below the sea of girls. "They're too

powerful, un! We have to run, yeah!" The Akatsuki fled up the stairs, leaving the Weasel and

Zealot downstairs. "TOBI'S TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Tobi pushed Deidara and Kakuzu out of his way to

practically fly up the stairs to a safe area. "TOBI, UN!" "I'LL KILL YOU, LOLLIPO—AHHHH!" Deidara

was quickly eaten up by a mass of fangirls, followed by Kakuzu. Yes, because we all love Deidara

more than Kakuzu. HAHA DIE, KAKUZU! Just then, the crowd of Itachi fangirls picked him up and

brought him out the door. "WHA—?" He yelled, bewildered. "Itachi!" The oh-so-cool-and-revenge-

wanting-sexy-younger-Uchiha Sasuke said coldly. Itachi looked down from his throne of girls. Does

that sound wrong? Yep, Itachi has a harem. "SASUKE!" Fangirls squealed as they scooped him up.

"WHAT THE—?" the Younger Uchiha yelled angrily.

-BACK UPSTAIRS-

"What sort of monstrosity was THAT?" Pain demanded, pointing a shaky finger downstairs.

"It could very well be the end of all hot guys... FANGIRLS." Kisame said slowly. "NOOOO! They have

finally come!" Pain announced. "TO THE ESCAPE POD!" The remaining members got up from

crouching in the corner to head to the Emergency Escape Pod. "Wait." Konan said suddenly. "The

escape pod is downstairs." The Akatsuki slumped to the ground, defeated. They could hear the

thumping of girls making their way up the stairs. It was the end of the Akatsuki. Goodbye, world. And

they were swarmed. At that time, Orochimaru walked in. That stupid, ugly, pedo snake entered,

looking for Sasuke who had not returned yet due to a fangirl attack. And of course, Akatsuki fangirls

being Akatsuki fangirls hate Orochimaru. "DIE YOU SNAKE PEDO!" "GET LOST!" "HOW DARE YOU

SET FOOT INTO THIS HOLY GROUND?" Orochimaru, who was supposed to be trapped in a genjutsu

for all eternity, died from a fangirl attack. They chased him out of the base. Orochimaru ran. They

chased. "Hurry!" Itachi said in a panicked voice. "To the Escape Pod!" And they charged to the

Escape Pod. POOF! They left. Just then, they turned around and saw more fangirls hiding in the pod.

GLOMP! GLOMP! GLOMP! Moral of the story: Fangirls are dangerous weapons. Oh, and then

eventually, being awesome and all, the fangirls released them and they lived happily ever after,

never daring to speak of the incident ever again.


	24. SUPER SORRY LETTR ToT

OMG OMGG. I know. I SUCK. I'm SOOOO sorry u guys! I haven't updated in a whole damn year! My com had a virus, then after it got cleared, I haven't had ANY breathing time to update! With my new CCA and all the new schoolwork :O I'm SOOO SORRY . I hope most of you guys who read my fic before I stopped are PISSED AS HELL at me! And maybe u guys gave up completely and won't read this fanfic anymore, even if I continue updating! So could I at least have 5 reviews? Then I'll definitely TRY to continue to update! My EOYs are at the start of October, so if I suddenly stop again(considering I continue), then I PROMISE I will continue after EOYs end. EOY=End of Year Exams. PLEASEEEE OMG. I know you guys all hate me now, but please, can I get at least 5 reviews telling me you guys still would read if I continue updating? .

-ParanoidDiva


	25. Crazy Babysitting PART 1

_**OK YAY I GOT 5 REVIEWS! XD I'm so lame ToT Anyway, due to my exams coming up + the realization that updating daily isn't good cause I write them on the spot and update, I'll be updating weekly instead of daily. Anyway, I've been reading many fanfics, so I've decided that one of the Akatsuki Members will have the ability to break the 4**__**th**__** wall. In other words, he/she can hear ME! ZE AUTHOR! Hopefully this brings more interesting-ness into the story :3 Also, if you guys want to say something to a particular Akatsuki member or ask them to do something, just review! :D So which Akatsuki Member should be able to break the 4**__**th**__** wall? Review n tell me/PM me since I really hate putting up polls. :3 ENJOYYYY!**_

"WE ARE FUCKING BACK, PEOPLE!" Guess who.

" I'M BORED, UN!" Guess who.

"Hn." Guess who.

"You guys are annoying. **Can we eat you?"** Guess who.

Ha! I bet you're sick of betting. Well too bad cause I'm not stopping.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! TOBI THINKS DEIDARA-SENPAI IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WHOOOLLLEEE WIDEEE UNIVERSE!" Guess who.

"AGH! TOBI! GET OFF ME, UN! GET OFF!" Guess who.

"YOU MADE ME LOSE COUNT OF MY MONEY...!" Guess who.

"GAH! KAKUZU! DON'T FUCKING TENTACLE RAPE US!" Guess who.

Hope you've had fun guessing. Cause it's over now. ... OR IS IT?

"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SPEAKING WITHOUT OUR FCKING NAMES?" Guess who.

"The author wants it so, un. Isn't it obvious, yeah?" Guess who.

"Hn... HHHHnnnn... _**HN**_." Guess who.

"TOBI DOESN'T UNDERSTAND UCHIHANESE!" Guess who.

"Shouldn't Tobi know? Tobi is an Uc—**DON'T SAY IT!**" Guess who.

"YOU GUYS ARE MAKING ME LOSE COUNT OF MONEY. THIS IS WASTING MY MONEY!" Guess who.

"How, un?" Guess who.

"MONEY IS TIME. WASTE TIME = WASTE MONEY!" Guess who.

OK, we'll stop guessing now.

OR WILL WE.

Yeah, we will.

Who: The Akatsuki

Where: Akatsuki Meeting Room

What: Discussing

Why: Coz' Pein said so.

How: By walking into the meeting room.

"It has come to my attention, that we are running low on money in the Akatsuki funds." Pein announced. "Hence, we are going to take up a job."

Ignoring the protests, he continued. "A babysitting job."

"FUCK NO! BABYSITTING IS A SIN TO JASHIN SAMA!" Guess who. (Haha thought we were done with the guessing? Think again!)

"NO WAY, LEADER-SAMA, UN! BABYSITTING... IS NOT... TRUE ART, HMM!" Guess who.

"If we can **eat them, I don't mind.**" Guess who.

"TOBI WANTS TO PLAY WITH THE LITTLE KIDS!" Guess who.

"Hn." Guess who.

"As long as I get money." Guess who.

"Can I shred the kids?" Guess who.

"No protests!" demanded Pein. We're going NOW!"

And with that, the Akatsuki oh-so-happily left on their quest of appeasing little kids. The kids were like this:

Deidara's kid = Rachel

Tobi's kid = Chelsie

Zetsu's kid = Nicole

Kisame's kid = Benjamin

Itachi's kid = Nadine

Pein's kid = Derek

Konan's kid = Jessica

Kakuzu's kid = Uzukak

Hidan's kid = Bob

-CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON HIDAN PLAYING WITH BOB IN A CORNER-

"HEATHEN! REPENT YOU FUCKING HEATHEN CHILD! HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW THE FUCKING AWESOME EXISTENCE WHICH IS JASHIN-SAMA?!" Hidan yelled, successfully disturbing everyone within a 10 mile radius of him.

"Jasin?"

"JASHIN!"

"Jan!"

"JASHIN!"

"Jane?"

"JASHIN!"

"Jasssine!"

"J . A . S . H . I . N!"

"... ... ... JASIN!"

... Facing Technical Difficulties due to extreme violence... Beep... Beep... Beep... Please agree to the Terms and Conditions... Beep... Beep... Beep...

-CAMERA MOVES TO KAKUZU-

"Look, kid. Let's do some self-introductions. I'm Kakuzu."

"I'm—"

"WHO ASKED YOU!?" Kakuzu yelled.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Uzukak sobbed.

Kakuzu stared at the kid. The kid stared at Kakuzu. The kid calmed down. Kakuzu stared at the kid. The kid stared at Kakuzu.

"What are you waiting for?! INTRODUCE YOURSELF!"

"I... I'm Uzukak." The kid looked like he was going to start wailing again, proving that Kakuzu is the worst possible baby-sitter.

"Isn't Uzukak just my name backwards?" he enquired. The little boy just shrugged. Due to some unknown reason, Kakuzu got happier. He fished out some coins from his pocket and placed it in front of the kid.

"This is a dollar. Very important. This is fifty cents. Very important. This is twenty cents. Very important. This is ten cents. Very important. This is five cents. Very important. This is one cent. Very important. Understand?" He explained quickly.

Uzukak stared at the shining metal coins before picking up the one cent coin and throwing it at the ground.

"YOU STUPID KID DON'T THROW MONEY LIKE IT HAS NO WORTH!" And then Kakuzu tentacle-raped A.K.A murdered Uzukak.

-CAMERA MOVES TO KONAN AND HER KID SITTING AT THE TABLE-

"Do you want milk?" Konan brought Jessica milk.

"Some cookies?" Konan brought Jessica cookies.

"How about a toy?" Konan brought Jessica a toy.

"Goo...Gaa..." Jessica, her 2 months old kid-she's-in-charge-of-taking-care-of, said before sobbing and wailing hysterically.

"What's wrong?! What's wrong?! Need more milk?" Konan brought Jessica more milk.

"Do you want water instead?" Konan brought Jessica water.

"Maybe you're hungry? Want some porridge?" Konan gave Jessica porridge. The crying stopped and Konan breathed a sigh of relief. She noticed, however, that the porridge remained untouched.

"Why aren't you eating your porridge?" Her face darkened. "EAT YOUR DAMN PORRIDGE YOU STUPID KID! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE THE PORRIDGE THERE AND WASTE IT?! THINK ABOUT THE POOR, HUNGRY KIDS! THINK ABOUT HOW THEY LIE ON THE STREETS SUFFERING FROM MALNUTRITION OR SOMETHING! AND YOU! YOU REFUSE TO EAT YOUR PORRIDGE?! EAT IT!" With that, she shoved spoonful after spoonful of porridge into the poor kid's mouth at a speed that would put Usaine Bolt to shame.

This ended with the kid being dead, of course.

_**OK, yay! It's longer than usual chapters! :D This is the first part of Crazy Babysitting. The second part will be released in exactly one week's time~! :D Thanks for reading! :') HAPPY GAY PENGUINS DAY #3! Haha, so remember to add in your review which character you'd like to be able to break the Fourth Wall. I'm debating between Deidara and Hidan, so choose one of those two! Thanks! :D REVIEWWWW~~! Just press that button. Down there. Right there. *Arrow pointing to review sign* Just click. Then review. Then submit. Not that hard. Just click it. Down there. The button that says "Review". You see it. Don't ignore it. Click it. MAKE THE BUTTON FEEL LOVED.**_


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